SCHEDULE: June 2013

Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama, but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.

Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and, needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.

In 1999, all confuse Y2K with the apocalypse and believe they are the last surviving people on Earth.

Earl makes a young boy afraid of the dark by hiding under his bed.

Needing a game-show partner, Will must choose between bickering friends.

Will emulates Philip and Vivian's activist friend.

Curtis runs for neighborhood watch president. C.J. helps until he realizes he disagrees with some of Curtis' policies. When Curtis challenges C.J., C.J. decides to run himself. Meanwhile, Malik runs up his parent's credit card.

Brown takes his first plane flight with Cora and everything goes wrong. Derek is mistaken for a famous person and he uses it to his advantage.

Will dislikes his mother's new boyfriend; guest Raven-Symone.

An aunt pre-empts Will and Carlton's rendezvous with two French women.

Raymond's small white lie to his mother snowballs.

Stan tries to get Steve to attend summer camp; the only one available that he can find, however, turns out to be a refugee camp in Africa. Meanwhile, Roger and Francine take up role-playing, though they can't come up with a mutual backstory.

Steve starts dating an overweight girl. Stan's insecurity about his own body image leads him to anorexia.

Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.

Chandler wants to commit to a relationship with Janice. Phoebe poses as Joey's agent.

Phoebe tries to be more friendly with her half-brother. Ross meets ISABELLA ROSSELLINI (As Herself).

Joey sees Janice kissing her husband, whom she is divorcing while she dates Chandler. Rachel's father (RON LEIBMAN) clashes with Ross.

Doug and Arthur play detective when Doug suspects an admirer of Carrie has stolen his wallet.

Doug encounters one of his delivery customers while accompanying Arthur to the hospital.

A valet's odor permeates Jerry's car; guests Nick Bakay, Taylor Negron.

Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.

Jerry and George produce their pilot, but George doesn't like the actor playing him; Kramer has a personal problem.

A mall makeover launches Meg into super-stardom, culminating in an appearance on Saturday Night Live.

After winning at Trivial Pursuit, Peter claims to be a genius, so Brian asks him to take an IQ test to prove it.

Sheldon craves attention from his visiting mother.

Sheldon tries to spook his friends on Halloween.

Bernadette & Penny shop for wedding dresses...without Amy.

Sheldon must overcome his fear of birds.

Guests: Steven Yeun, Darius Rucker

Michael tries to frame Toby after he discovers he's back working in the office. Someone makes a big mess in the microwave at the office and won't clean it up. Jim buys his parents' house.

Guests: Steven Yeun, Darius Rucker

With a $4,300 surplus to spend, the workers fight amongst themselves in order to get what they want. Andy and Angela go to Schrute Farms to work on wedding plans.

Renowned horror novelist Mike Enslin believes only in what he can see with his own two eyes. But after a string of best-sellers, discrediting paranormal events in the most infamous haunted houses and graveyards around the world, he has no real proof of the after-life. But Enslin''s phantom-free run of long and lonely nights is about to change forever when he checks into suite 1408 of the notorious Dolphin Hotel for his latest project, "Ten Nights in Haunted Hotel Rooms." Defying the warnings of the hotel manager, the author is the first person in years to stay in the reputedly haunted room. Another best-seller may be imminent, but first he must go from skeptic to true believer--and ultimately survive the night.

Due to M.J.'s short stature, Marcus is consumed by the idea that M.J. may not be his biological son. His lingering doubts are amplified by the recent discovery regarding Dominique's paternity. In the end, Marcus learns that M.J. is his biological son.

Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and, needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.

Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama, but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.

When Al discovers Peggy's passion for yard sales has gotten out of hand, he decides that the Bundys should hold one of their own.

After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.

Al's plans for a family road trip come to a screeching halt when the Bundys get caught in Labor Day traffic.

Earl's ex-girlfriend returns to town, hellbent on seeking revenge against Joy for causing Earl to leave her.

Earl tries to return a badge that he stole from a police officer several years earlier.

Ashley's curiosity about reproduction sends Will to a pregnancy counseling center.

Will and Carlton become male dancers to get Vivian's bracelet out of hock.

The family meets Malik's new free-spirited girlfriend, Summer.

Cora gets addicted to internet shopping. Meanwhile Brown finds an artifact in the backyard. It leads to him digging for a treasure.

When Suzanne's ex-husband wants to lower his monthly child support payments, Nick jumps at the chance to get rid of Frank's financial support, while Suzanne has mixed feelings about Frank abandoning his responsibilities. Guest stars: Ice Cube, Charlie Murphy.

Will and the Bankses do community service in a South Central Los Angeles neighborhood.

Ray's mother-in-law (Katherine Helmond) enlists his help in planning a surprise party for Debra.

Stan loses his confidence, and his job, when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.

Greg introduces Stan to the Langley Falls Log Cabin Republicans. Only after Stan's taken with their fabulous ways does he realize that it's a gay group. To gain further acceptance into this wonderful group, Stan decides to become gay. Meanwhile, Terry is furious to discover Greg is a Republican.

Chandler and Janice make a difficult decision about their relationship. Monica accidentally injures Ben and tries to hide it from Ross.

Rachel devises a lie about her unborn child that she hopes will break the silence between her and Joey; Phoebe reads tea leaves and predicts she will soon encounter the man of her dreams.

Phoebe brings her annoyingly upbeat boyfriend (Alec Baldwin) to the 35th anniversary of Monica and Ross' parents (Christina Pickles, Elliott Gould), who urge Ross and pregnant Rachel to pretend to be married.

When Soap Opera Digest requests an interview, Joey enlists his friends to make sure he does not say anything that could cost him his role.

Doug wears a cologne Carrie dislikes to try to convince himself and the guys that she does not control him.

Carrie asks Doug to be an expert witness at her boss's trial.

Jerry learns Elaine pretended to enjoy their intimacy; Kramer is banned from a fruit store.

George buys effeminate glasses; dog-bite victim Elaine thinks she has rabies.

Jerry appears on ``Today'' wearing a silly shirt; guests Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Stiller.

Brian and Quagmire vie for the same woman's affections when they are cast on "The Bachelorette".

When Peter runs up a tab at the local pharmacy, the only way out of paying the bill is to sell Meg to the owner's son, Neil, who has been stalking her for months.

Sheldon becomes jealous when Stuart asks Amy for a date.

Leonard comes face-to-face with his high school bully.

Convinced that he should be dating from a wider pool, Steve goes out with a woman of questionable morality, while Melanie dates an annoying nicknamer, and Owen dates someone just a little too close to home.

Sheldon gets in trouble with Amy, and it's up to Penny to teach him how to be a better boyfriend. Howard, meanwhile, must come to grips with Bernadette's dislike of children.

Guests: Charles Barkley, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Convinced that he should be dating from a wider pool, Steve goes out with a woman of questionable morality, while Melanie dates an annoying nicknamer, and Owen dates someone just a little too close to home.

Guests: Charles Barkley, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Phyllis blackmails Angela into doing the work for the Christmas party, which Michael turns into an intervention after Meredith gets drunk and sets her hair on fire. Meanwhile, Dwight corners the market on a popular Christmas gift.

Beth Raymond is traumatized when she witnesses the gruesome deaths of two friends just days apart. Even more disturbing, she knows that both of them had received chilling cell phone messages--actual recordings of their own horrifying last moments. Impossibly, the calls were received days before they died, but each death occurred precisely when and how the messages foretold. The police think Beth is delusional--except for Detective Jack Andrews, whose own sister was killed in a freak accident that bears a strange similarity to the deaths of Beth''s friends. Together, Jack and Beth work feverishly to unravel the mystery behind the ominous calls. But even as they get closer to the truth, Beth''s cell phone begins to ring with an eerie tune, and the readout displays: "One Missed Call."

A backstage peek at TBS's original shows.

After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.

Al's plans for a family road trip come to a screeching halt when the Bundys get caught in Labor Day traffic.

When an attention-starved Peg meets a charming married man, Andy, Al's in for a surprise when Andy's jealous "husband" shows up on Al's doorstep.

When Al insists that Kelly get a job, she enrolls in modeling school - at Al's expense - and sets her sights on becoming a car showroom model.

When Al is visited by mysterious green creatures who creep into his bedroom and take his dirty socks, he's subjected to ridicule by his disbelieving family, but still determined to get proof of his "close encounter."

A stressed-out Al takes up gardening for relaxation but ends up battling a pesky rabbit.

Earl sets out to reunite an old crush with her estranged father.

Earl tries to cross off the first item on his list, but finds he owes his victim more than the $10 he stole from the man's wallet.

Will and Carlton's prep school goes coed; Ashley dresses outrageously.

Hilary gets a job reporting weather on television.

Calvin and Miranda's condo gets foreclosed on and they are forced out. Not wanting to turn to his parents again, Calvin and Miranda try to make their own way and end up sleeping in a motel. Curtis tells Calvin to bring his family to their house. Floyd convinces Curtis to steal security service.

A friend of Reggie's tries to illegally recruit one of Reggie's players. Joaquin writes an essay for Brianna. The essay wins the prize.

When Suzanne suspects that Lindsey's athletic new crush from school is gay because he has style, Nick sets out to prove that he isn't, until he can no longer ignore the signs and helps the boy tell Lindsay the truth.

Will feels guilty accepting gifts from a plain girl.

The Barones spend Thanksgiving Day at Amy's parents' house.

Stan gets mixed up in street racing to put some excitement back in his marriage. After Hayley breaks up with Jeff Fischer he becomes videogame pals with Steve. In an attempt to get Jeff back, Hayley kills Steve's beloved videogame character.

With Steve too busy with his girlfriend, Francine decides she wants another baby. Stan, however, does not, so he secretly gets a vasectomy. But Francine discovers he still has sperm left in a CIA sperm bank. Meanwhile, Roger becomes a professor at Hayley's community college and earns the adoration of a psycho student.

During her baby shower, Rachel realizes she is unprepared to be a mother and accepts her mother's (Marlo Thomas) offer to move in to help with the child.

A food critic blasts Monica's cooking in a newspaper review; a cute saleswoman (Rena Sofer) riles Rachel when she flirts with Ross; Phoebe coaches Chandler for a job interview.

The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.

The friends cause havoc in the maternity ward as Rachel begins childbirth.

Carrie gets a raise and hires a Spanish-speaking housekeeper, but the language barrier frustrates Doug, who retaliates by hiring Veronica as his personal housekeeper.

Doug sets up a camera in the basement to monitor Arthur.

Jerry, Kramer and Newman investigate their accountant's unexplained sniffle.

A religious ceremony makes Jerry and Elaine apprehensive about being godparents.

George enlists a lip-reader (Marlee Matlin) to learn why his girlfriend dumped him.

When Lois steals from the grocery store, she becomes addicted to the adrenaline rush and goes on a thieving spree that lands her in jail.

Lois fulfills a lifelong dream of being a model.

With the help of Lieutenant Jim Gordon and District Attorney Harvey Dent, Batman sets out to destroy organized crime in Gotham for good. The triumvirate proves to be effective, but they soon find themselves prey to a rising criminal mastermind known as the Joker, who thrusts Gotham into anarchy and forces the Dark Knight ever closer to crossing the fine line between hero and vigilante.

When a well-respected actor shadows Nick to prepare for an upcoming role as an anchor, his methods turn out to be much more invasive that Nick had expected. Meanwhile, Kevin advances to the final round of a Spelling Bee.

Mr. Peterson asks Nick to co-host his wife's charity walkathon, but Nick is soon put into an uncomfortable situation when he suspects that Mrs. Peterson has stolen Marilyn's bracelet.

Lindsey and Kevin enter Nick into a "Hand on a House" contest, where finalists compete by seeing who can keep their hand on a house for the longest.

Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.

A backstage peek at TBS's original shows.

When Al is visited by mysterious green creatures who creep into his bedroom and take his dirty socks, he's subjected to ridicule by his disbelieving family, but still determined to get proof of his "close encounter."

A stressed-out Al takes up gardening for relaxation but ends up battling a pesky rabbit.

When his philandering gets him thrown out of the house, Karen invites Jeff's dad to stay.

Jeff is upset when Karen invites a close friend's ex-wife for dinner.

In the first of a two-part episode, after Al buys a shoddy air conditioner and causes a neighborhood blackout, the Bundys seek refuge from the heat and their infuriated neighbors by taking up residence in their local supermarket.

When the Bundys are evicted from the supermarket where they've taken up temporary residence, Al inadvertently becomes their one millionth customer; but Marcy claims otherwise.

Will gets arrested for numerous parking tickets as Phil runs for judge.

Snow traps campers Will, Uncle Phil and Carlton.

Ella is preparing to open a battered women's home in the church's unused classrooms, but it is shutdown when C.J. cites dangerous fire code violations. Calvin borrows Curtis' car and thinks he put a dent in it. Calvin feels guilty and tries to make up for it and Curtis allows him to.

Colonel and Edna solicit help the help of the Brown family when they're ready to tie the knot. Renee does a favor for Sasha and holds it over her head.

When Troy provokes a school bully, Kevin strikes up a friendship with his tormentor to avoid a beat down. But Kevin is soon faced with a difficult decision--whether to follow the bully's commands or stand up for himself once and for all. Guest starring: Bobby J. Thompson

Orphaned at an early age, Peter Parker lives in Queens, New York with his beloved Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Peter leads the life of a normal student, working as a photographer at the school paper, pining after the beautiful Mary Jane Watson and hanging out with buddy Harry Osborn. On a school trip, during which Peter and his classmates are given a science demonstration on arachnids, Peter is bitten by a genetically-altered spider. Soon after, he discovers that he has unusual powers: he is endowed with the strength and agility of a spider along with a keen, ESP-like "spider-sense." Peter first uses his powers to make money, but in the face of a tragedy that hits close to home, he vows to dedicate his life to fighting crime, taking to heart the words of his beloved Uncle Ben: "With great power comes great responsibility." Meanwhile, megalomaniacal businessman Norman Osborn, Harry''s father, is undergoing some changes of his own. An experimental formula has gone awry, increasing his intelligence and strength but also driving him insane. He is now the Green Goblin, Spider-Man''s arch enemy, who will put young Peter Parker''s vow to fight crime and help innocent people to the ultimate test.

Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster. But before they can recover the prized `52 Pafko, they must first rescue a Mexican beauty who holds the key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts-and who has already witnessed one high-profile murder because of them. Veteran detective Jimmy Monr needs to cash in on his perfect Pafko in order to pay for his daughter''s upcoming wedding, but in the tradition of everything that can go wrong--it''s pilfered before he has a chance to collect. Paul Hodges is Jimmy''s partner-against-crime, whose preoccupation with his wife''s alleged infidelity makes it hard for him to keep his eye on the ball, or his mind on the crime. Already in trouble and with nothing left to lose, Jimmy and Paul will have to break all the rules-including enlisting the aid of stoner thief Dave, who''s working Paul''s last nerve as Paul and Jimmy try to work the case.

After the kids ruin Ray's dictionary, Frank tells them about the day their father ruined his prized collection of jazz records.

Overdue Rachel tries everything to rush the delivery of her baby.

Joey finds himself engaged to Rachel soon after she delivers her baby girl, while Phoebe assumes Ross is the one who proposed.

Joey seeks forgiveness from Ross, while Rachel tries to quell Emma's incessant crying.

The guys enjoy riding along with a police officer -- until a gunshot is heard. Rachel overhears a telephone message for Ross from his second ex-wife.

Carrie is upset when Doug does not take an exam that could have led to a promotion, so he retaliates by becoming a bartender.

When Doug and Carrie start training with their neighbor (Lou Ferrigno) so Carrie can lose a few pounds, Doug works out a deal that allows him to laze around during exercise time.

Sheldon and Howard wager comic books over a cricket's species. Meanwhile, a less-than-perfect romantic night agonizes Leonard and Penny.

Howard takes Raj along to check out the Goth dating scene. Sheldon uses chocolate as part of a behavior modification experiment on Penny.

Facing a return to India, Raj needs a job desperately enough to consider working for Sheldon. Meanwhile, Howard becomes a third wheel to Leonard and Penny.

Sheldon looks forward to squaring off against the the one actor from the Star Trek universe he holds enmity towards; Wil Wheaton; in a fantasy collectable card game tournament. Wolowitz cashes in on an old pact with Leonard to get Penny to set him up with a friend of hers.

Leonard, hoping to fit in with Penny's football-loving friends, gets tutored in the sport by Sheldon. Raj is infuriated when Wolowitz's skirt-chasing leads to the loss of his prized patang.

Leonard and Penny's first big fight sees Sheldon playing mediator due to childhood trauma that's left him with an inability to be around loud verbal conflicts.

With the rest of the gang off on a desert camping trip to view the Leonid meteor shower, Sheldon must play hero after Penny slips in the tub and dislocates her shoulder.

Barry Kripke pranks Sheldon during his spot on NPR, leaving him with a taste for vengeance. Wolowitz, pressured by Bernadette to define their relationship, gets advice from a fantasy version of Katee Sackhoff.

Convinced that he should be dating from a wider pool, Steve goes out with a woman of questionable morality, while Melanie dates an annoying nicknamer, and Owen dates someone just a little too close to home.

Special government agent James West and his co-hort Artemus Gordon, team up to thwart the diabolical Dr Arliss Loveless who is plotting to assassinate the President of the United States with the aid of a huge, walking weapon-transport vehicle called "The Tarantula."

When master explorer Dirk Pitt finds a fabled coin linked to a historical legend, he takes on the adventure of his life as he embarks on a treasure hunt through some of the most dangerous regions of West Africa. As they search for what locals call the "Ship of Death"--a long-lost Civil War battleship that protects a secret cargo--Dirk and his wisecracking sidekick, Al Giordino, meet Dr. Eva Rojas, a beautiful and brilliant doctor who believes that the hidden treasure may be connected to a larger problem that threatens the world around them. Hunting for a ship that no one else thinks exists, Dirk, Al, and Eva must rely on their wits and their daring heroics to outsmart dangerous warlords, survive the threatening terrain, and get to the bottom of both mysteries.

In the first of a two-part episode, after Al buys a shoddy air conditioner and causes a neighborhood blackout, the Bundys seek refuge from the heat and their infuriated neighbors by taking up residence in their local supermarket.

When the Bundys are evicted from the supermarket where they've taken up temporary residence, Al inadvertently becomes their one millionth customer; but Marcy claims otherwise.

Buck the Dog has romantic designs on every bitch in the neighborhood, but dashes Peg & Al's hopes of becoming wealthy breeders when he refuses to court a pampered pedigree.

In the season premiere, Marcy excitedly announces that she's pregnant, but Al's glee at Jefferson's misfortune turns to horror when Peg breaks the news that she, too, has a little Bundy in the oven.

While mothers-to-be Peg and Marcy keep everyone hopping with their demands, Al, unable to face another 20 years of parenting, decides to make a run for it.

Phoebe's boyfriend wants her to move in with him. Ross and Joey involve Chandler and Monica in an obsessive game.

Joey's first major film role leads to an unexpected experience in Las Vegas. Phoebe can't remember why she hates Ross.

The gang travels to Las Vegas, Nevada, where more than one surprise awaits. After Ross misinterprets Rachel's actions, a war of public humiliation results.

Monica and Chandler get lucky in Las Vegas, Nevada. Rachel makes Ross regret playing a prank on her. Joey schemes for fame and fortune.

Convinced that he should be dating from a wider pool, Steve goes out with a woman of questionable morality, while Melanie dates an annoying nicknamer, and Owen dates someone just a little too close to home.

Bob Ho is an undercover CIA superspy who decides to give up his career in espionage to settle down with his next-door neighbor and girlfriend, Gillian. But Bob has one more mission to complete before Gillian agrees to marry him--winning over her three opinionated kids. When Gillian suddenly has to leave town, Bob volunteers to babysit the children so he can earn their approval. But when one of the kids mistakenly downloads a top-secret formula from his computer, Bob''s archenemy, a Russian terrorist, moves in for the attack, forcing Bob to juggle the roles of spy and prospective stepfather in the most challenging mission of his career.

When master explorer Dirk Pitt finds a fabled coin linked to a historical legend, he takes on the adventure of his life as he embarks on a treasure hunt through some of the most dangerous regions of West Africa. As they search for what locals call the "Ship of Death"--a long-lost Civil War battleship that protects a secret cargo--Dirk and his wisecracking sidekick, Al Giordino, meet Dr. Eva Rojas, a beautiful and brilliant doctor who believes that the hidden treasure may be connected to a larger problem that threatens the world around them. Hunting for a ship that no one else thinks exists, Dirk, Al, and Eva must rely on their wits and their daring heroics to outsmart dangerous warlords, survive the threatening terrain, and get to the bottom of both mysteries.

When Carrie learns Doug stole the romantic line he used when they started dating, he struggles to come up with a new one for Valentine's Day to try to redeem himself.

After hearing of possible layoffs at her law firm, Carrie begins to worry about her own job security; Doug loses Deacon's lucky Koosh ball.

Special government agent James West and his co-hort Artemus Gordon, team up to thwart the diabolical Dr Arliss Loveless who is plotting to assassinate the President of the United States with the aid of a huge, walking weapon-transport vehicle called "The Tarantula."

In the heart of Paris lies a deadly secret. Half a world away in Los Angeles, Ambassador Han is about to disclose it. In his possession is explosive new evidence about the inner workings of the Triads--the most powerful and notorious crime syndicate in the world. The Ambassador has discovered the identity of Shy Shen, the very crux of the wide-ranging crime ring, and he's about to reveal it to the World Criminal Court--until he is silenced by an assassin's bullet. The Triads will go to any lengths to make sure their secrets stay buried, and there's only one hope for stopping them. LAPD Detective Carter and Chinese Inspector Lee are back--back where they don't belong. The unlikely duo is headed to the City of Lights to stop a global criminal conspiracy and save the life of an old friend, Ambassador Han's now-grown daughter, Soo Yung. They don't know the city, the language or even exactly what they're looking for, but their race will take them across the city, from the depths of the Paris underground to the breathtaking heights of the Eiffel Tower, as they fight to outrun the world's most deadly criminals and save the day.

In the heart of Paris lies a deadly secret. Half a world away in Los Angeles, Ambassador Han is about to disclose it. In his possession is explosive new evidence about the inner workings of the Triads--the most powerful and notorious crime syndicate in the world. The Ambassador has discovered the identity of Shy Shen, the very crux of the wide-ranging crime ring, and he's about to reveal it to the World Criminal Court--until he is silenced by an assassin's bullet. The Triads will go to any lengths to make sure their secrets stay buried, and there's only one hope for stopping them. LAPD Detective Carter and Chinese Inspector Lee are back--back where they don't belong. The unlikely duo is headed to the City of Lights to stop a global criminal conspiracy and save the life of an old friend, Ambassador Han's now-grown daughter, Soo Yung. They don't know the city, the language or even exactly what they're looking for, but their race will take them across the city, from the depths of the Paris underground to the breathtaking heights of the Eiffel Tower, as they fight to outrun the world's most deadly criminals and save the day.

A hot-shot police officer gets mixed up in an alien invasion.

Kay and Jay reunite to provide our best, last and only line of defense against a sinister seductress who levels the toughest challenge yet to the MIBs untarnished mission statement: protecting the earth from the scum of the universe. It''s been four years since the alien-seeking agents averted an intergalactic disaster of epic proportions. Kay has since returned to the comforts of civilian life while Jay continues to work for the Men In Black, the highly funded yet unofficial government agency that regulates all things alien on earth. While investigating a seemingly routine crime, Jay uncovers a diabolical plot masterminded by Serleena, an evil Kylothian monster who disguises herself as a sexy lingerie model. When Serleena takes the entire MIB building hostage, there is only one person left Jay can turn to-his former MIB partner who is now a drone in another large government office, the U.S. postal service, and prefers simple pleasures like his wife''s cookies over standoffs with mammoth alien insects. It''s a race against the clock as Jay must convince Kay-who not only has absolutely no memory of his time spent with the Men In Black, but is also the only living person left with the expertise to save the galaxy-to reunite with the MIB before the earth submits to ultimate destruction.

A backstage peek at TBS's original shows.

In the season premiere, Marcy excitedly announces that she's pregnant, but Al's glee at Jefferson's misfortune turns to horror when Peg breaks the news that she, too, has a little Bundy in the oven.

While mothers-to-be Peg and Marcy keep everyone hopping with their demands, Al, unable to face another 20 years of parenting, decides to make a run for it.

Al, seeking refuge from all forms of women - pregnant or otherwise - decides to build a clubhouse where he can get away from it all, but it's soon overrun by other desperate fathers-to- be.

Lusting for a thousand dollar dress to wear to the "Miss Cheese" competition, Kelly decides to earn the money the old-fashioned way - by hustling pool.

While Peggy and Marcy comb the city for Marcy's old baby furniture after Jefferson sells it to pocket the cash, the guys conduct a search of their own for the perfect maid - although cleanliness is the last thing on their minds.

When Al and the kids are preoccupied with a seemingly-sick Buck, Peg, feeling neglected, returns home to her "kin" in Wanker County for a little TLC.

Earl decides to take Joy's side when she gets into an argument with Darnell; the purchase of an entertainment center does not turn out the way Joy planned.

A strip joint's owner (Burt Reynolds) will lend Earl money if he can convince Catalina to return to work there.

Will airs family dirty laundry on ``The Oprah Winfrey Show.''

Will defends Phil against the charges of a sleazy rival candidate (Sherman Hemsley).

Malik and Summer volunteer at a Crisis Hotline. Curtis goes overboard with the neighborhood watch as he tries to catch a criminal.

Brown is asked to perform at the class reunion until famous classmate Teddy trevel shows up. Meanwhile, Joaquin is picking winning teams and Renee begins consulting him for future bets.

Will helps a pregnant sportscaster (Vanessa Williams) deliver.

Will dates Carlton's ex-girlfriend.

Ray resents how much time Debra spends away from home when she gets a position at Frank's lodge.

Stan's competitive streak is unleashed when he and Francine start ice dancing together. Stan dumps Francine to compete with Roger. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get a mail order Russian bride.

When Steve realizes he's smarter than Stan he throws it in his face and moves with Roger to New York City to become writers. There, they quickly realize they're short on street smarts when they fall in with the pretentious hairdresser, Mr. Beauregard. Meanwhile, we catch a glimpse of the lives' of the squirrels living in the Smith's backyard.

Rachel meets a handsome stranger (STEVEN ECKHOLDT) who might help her career. Chandler gets into trouble with Joey's sisters.

Ross overreacts when Rachel starts working with a handsome guy. Monica becomes enamored with a sexy busboy.

When Monica and Richard (TOM SELLECK) accidentally meet, they decide to become friends -- with dire consequences.

Phoebe's ex-singing partner wants to make Phoebe's signature song, "Smelly Cat," a commercial success. Chandler dates a woman (SHERILYN FENN) with a handicap.

When Doug makes a delivery to his former high school, the football coach (Burt Reynolds) treats him like a hero, so Doug begins stopping by more often.

A flashback shows Doug and Carrie's wedding day.

Jerry doesn't have the nerve to dump his regular barber.

Jerry and Elaine suspect Kramer's yogurt shop is causing their weight gain.

Jerry can't get his masseuse girlfriend to give him a massage.

Brian's new relationship with Meg's teacher puts a strain on his friendship with Peter, so Peter finds a new friend, James Woods.

Choppy waters leave the guys stranded on a desert island during a fishing trip.

Chris runs away to South America to avoid being hazed as part of a high-school ritual.

Peter broadcasts a television station out of the Griffin home.

Stewie steps up his efforts to kill Lois, who orders Peter to spend more time with him.

Guests: Sharon Osbourne, Sasha Alexander, Roy Woods, Jr.

Guests: Sharon Osbourne, Sasha Alexander, Roy Woods, Jr.

Thanks to Michael's big mouth, Andy finally learns that his beloved Angela had an affair with Dwight, a discovery that incites the two romantic rivals to square off. Elsewhere, Michael is on edge about a corporate appointment with bigwig Wallace.

Tom is a sports announcer who comes from blue collar roots. Sarah is a writer whose family is as wealthy as it is snobbish. Much to her family''s--and ex-boyfriend''s--horror, Sarah and Tom fall in love and get married. Following their wedding, Tom and Sarah set off for what they expect to be the perfect honeymoon; however, thanks to her conspiring family and vindictive ex, the happy couple experiences the honeymoon from hell.

While Peggy and Marcy comb the city for Marcy's old baby furniture after Jefferson sells it to pocket the cash, the guys conduct a search of their own for the perfect maid - although cleanliness is the last thing on their minds.

When Al and the kids are preoccupied with a seemingly-sick Buck, Peg, feeling neglected, returns home to her "kin" in Wanker County for a little TLC.

Armed with cable TV and a new remote control, Al is determined to stay on the couch until he finds something good to watch on television -- while Kelly's public access show becomes the hottest thing on cable.

The Bundys' dream of fame and fortune remain just that after Kelly's popular local cable talk show is revamped for primetime by Hollywood network executive Jeff Littlehead.

In a style reminiscent of the old Hollywood thriller, Al dreams he's a private eye who finds himself in the middle of a murder when he's hired by a femme fatale to protect her inheritance from her thieving family.

When Peg thinks Al's having an affair, she sends Kelly and Bud out to do some sleuthing, but no one is more shocked than Al to discover that a beautiful "shoe groupie" wants to try him on for size.

When Earl watches Catalina give another motel maid a facial wax, he decides to make amends for number 91 on his list.

After sabotaging a cat show in Joy's favor, Earl returns an award-winning cat to its rightful owner.

Will's mother (Vernee Watson-Johnson) wants to bring him home to Philadelphia.

Will and Carlton trick Geoffrey into thinking he won the lottery.

C.J. is offered perks as a city official. Miranda and Curtis bond.

The family volunteers to answer phones for a local telethon and Brianna gets a bad break while volunteering.

The house is robbed after Philip hires an ex-convict handyman.

The clan fantasizes about life with the new baby.

Marie accuses Ray and Debra of turning Ally into a slave when they start giving her chores around the house.

Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.

President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.

Phoebe becomes involved with a foreign diplomat. Ross becomes involved with another woman after a fight with Rachel.

Ross wakes up with Chloe, but an oblivious Rachel wants to resume their relationship.

Ross and Rachel remain apart while their friends feel forced to choose between them.

Phoebe is distraught when her brother wants to marry a woman twice his age. While working as a waitress, Monica gets a tip from an admirer worth a small fortune. A hypnosis tape makes Chandler act like a woman.

As Carrie reluctantly approaches her 35th birthday, Doug bribes neighborhood construction workers to hoot and holler at her in order to make her feel younger.

Doug spoils Carrie's plans for a romantic weekend when he organizes an outing to Atlantic City -- and his boss ends up joining them.

Jerry's gift to Elaine offends Elaine's friend; guest Al Roker.

Jerry thinks his girlfriend has a fungus; George converts.

Elaine's toilet stall has no tissue; George acts giddy around Elaine's boyfriend (Dan Cortese); guest Jami Gertz.

Everything might change when Leonard offers Penny a spur of the moment invitation to a romantic dinner for two on the 100th episode of the series.

Leonard and Penny "beta test" their relationship.

Sheldon's selfish demands force Leonard to reconsider their friendship. Meanwhile, Howard tries to pick his astronaut nickname. NASA astronaut MIKE MASSIMINO guest stars.

When Sheldon is forced to take a vacation by the university, he goes to work with Amy in her neurobiology lab.

When a corner office at the University opens up, Sheldon must compete for it with his office nemesis, Barry Kripke. Meanwhile, Penny receives an unusual gift from Amy.

A change in Sheldon's routine forces him to re-evaluate his entire life, when his barber is sick. Meanwhile, Howard rethinks his decision to go into space after astronaut training.

Guests: Heather Locklear, Nick Swardson, Mavis Staples

Michael and Dwight spy on a rival paper company. The rest of the office debates whether or not Hilary Swank is hot.

Guests: Heather Locklear, Nick Swardson, Mavis Staples

Michael holds a lonely hearts party on Valentine's Day at the office, hoping that he will run into a woman he met earlier that day at a blood drive. Meanwhile, Jim and Pam have an awkward lunch with Phillis and Bob Vance.

A newsman intentionally frames himself for a murder he didn't commit to point out the dangers of circumstantial evidence and expose an overzealous district attorney who has manipulated evidence in the past to gain convictions. Everything goes as planned until his friend, the one person who can exonerate him, is killed.

Jennifer meets a new man who sweeps her off her feet. Marcus reveals that Harold is a womanizer who does not inform women of his status and cares little about who else he might infect. So, Angela, Marcus, Leslie, and Joseph rush to Jennifer's apartment to prevent her from being Harold's next victim.

In a style reminiscent of the old Hollywood thriller, Al dreams he's a private eye who finds himself in the middle of a murder when he's hired by a femme fatale to protect her inheritance from her thieving family.

When Peg thinks Al's having an affair, she sends Kelly and Bud out to do some sleuthing, but no one is more shocked than Al to discover that a beautiful "shoe groupie" wants to try him on for size.

Though Peggy has hired Sticky the Clown to entertain at Bud's 18th birthday party, Al follows Bundy tradition and takes his son to the nudie bar for his first brawl.

Steve Rhoades, on the run after hijacking an endangered egg, returns to reclaim his ex-wife, but Marcy doesn't want him back and all the Bundys want is to turn him in to the FBI for the reward money.

When Al takes over Jefferson's psychic scam, rival mystic Madame Inga puts a curse on the entire Bundy family.

Earl runs into No. 50 on his list while Joy does community service, but he meets No. 51 while trying to make good with the previous task.

Earl confronts number 12 on his list when Joy needs a restraining order lifted to improve her image; Earl disguises himself as the voice of God.

Will tries to dupe a girl (Kim Fields) into intimacy.

Princeton accepts Will but rejects Carlton; guest Tom Jones.

C.J. and Janine have a fight which carries over into the office. Malik takes a class on evolution and doesn't know if he believes in God.

Joaquin and Will have a freaky Friday, out of body experience. Meanwhile, Brown is on eternal hold with the utility company.

A classmate gives tired Will amphetamines, which Carlton unwittingly takes.

With Vivian a week overdue, sympathy pains hospitalize Phil.

Ray catches Debra poking fun at him in front of the children, then realizes his mother did the same thing when he was a youngster.

Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, so he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor.

Feeling shunned by Steve, Roger befriends a new boy, Henry. Their honeymoon is short lived as Henry starts abusing Roger. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine hijack the Pibbmobile in an effort to save the fledgling soft drink from going off the market forever.

Joey and Phoebe conspire to send Rachel and Ross on disastrous blind dates.

Joey stumbles upon a way to impress a famous actor (Jeff Goldblum) during an audition; Ross learns the identity of a long-ago mugger; Chandler accepts an internship at a shoe company.

Both Monica and Chandler secretly approach Joey for a loan; Phoebe invites Mike (Paul Rudd) to move in with her; Rachel baby-proofs the apartment.

Ross and Chandler trade barbed insults on their alma mater's Web site.

Holly is upset when she learns Carrie was using her to have access to her van; Doug has an argument with a waitress who takes too long to deliver his food.

Holiday visitors interrupt Doug and Carrie's attempt to conceive.

George poses as a marine biologist; guest Carol Kane.

The gang shops for last-minute gifts for a dinner party.

A date's refusal to eat pie obsesses Jerry; a mannequin resembles Elaine; guest Lane Davies.

After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian gets a job at The New Yorker.

Lois learns she has a brother she has never met (Robert Downey Jr.), so she brings him home from a mental institution to live with her family.

When Peter's dad visits the Griffins, he tries to impose his religious beliefs on the family.

Sheldon chooses to participate in a guys-only weekend Star Wars gaming marathon rather than go with Amy to her aunt's birthday party... and gets a lesson from Penny and Amy.

It's a dream come true for Sheldon when he has a close encounter with his hero, Mr. Spock -- legendary sci-fi icon LEONARD NIMOY.

Sheldon has a chance to meet his hero, STEPHEN HAWKING.

Guests: Elijah Wood, Bill Burr, Ryan Bingham

When Dwight's unannounced fire-safety drill gives Stanley a heart attack, Michael decides the office needs help with stress relief. While watching a bootleg movie, Andy believes Jim and Pam are film gurus from hearing them discuss her parents' faltering marriage.

Guests: Elijah Wood, Bill Burr, Ryan Bingham

When Dwight's unannounced fire-safety drill gives Stanley a heart attack, Michael decides the office needs help with stress relief. While watching a bootleg movie, Andy believes Jim and Pam are film gurus from hearing them discuss her parents' faltering marriage.

Mary is young pregnant girl who''s had all the trappings of an upscale life, but it''s only when she finds herself in a small New Mexico town, in a downtrodden trailer park, that she learns the real meaning of love, sacrifice and family.

Jennifer reveals to Angela and Leslie that she had unprotected sex with Harold. Angela tells Jennifer that Harold is HIV positive. Jennifer is stricken with fear, anxiety, and worry. She immediately gets tested, but understands that in order to be sure of her negative status, she needs to take another test in six months. This incident makes Jennifer reflect on her choices. At the end, Jennifer confronts Harold.

Steve Rhoades, on the run after hijacking an endangered egg, returns to reclaim his ex-wife, but Marcy doesn't want him back and all the Bundys want is to turn him in to the FBI for the reward money.

When Al takes over Jefferson's psychic scam, rival mystic Madame Inga puts a curse on the entire Bundy family.

When Bud's English teacher has the hots for him, he seeks advice from Al, who takes time out of his busy schedule attending birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese to correct the situation with the usual Bundy flair.

Al takes the family out for a Bundy Sunday Fun Day, but when he can't pay for gas, he is forced to work off his debt as an attendant on the full-serve island.

When Peg's 5-year-old nephew Seven is abandoned at the Bundy doorstep by his loser parents, Peg and Al decide to keep him, much to their kids' dismay.

A bored Catalina offers to help Earl with number 75 on his list, cleaning out a mailbox he once used as a trash can.

Earl and Randy find the next man (Christian Slater) on the list living an eco-friendly life on a commune, prompting Earl to try to save the world from global warming.

Carlton and Will lose to a card shark with a jealous beau (Riddick Bowe).

Will's childhood pal visits.

Malik tutors an athlete who can barely read. Curtis is overly candid with the newspapers and causes a PR scandal for C.J. and Janine.

Will and Sasha try to find a way to get Brianna and Joaquin back, before the Turners adopt them. Meanwhile Brown thinks the frat boys next door are growing marijuana and leaps into action.

Will flashes back when Vivian and Phil renew wedding vows.

Will must perform with 8-year-olds at commencement.

Debra assures her husband she will be on time for an awards dinner, then her hair gets caught in a curling iron.

While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.

A misunderstanding at the CIA leads Stan to believe it's the end of the world. Even after he realizes his error, he keeps his family convinced they are the last people on Earth so they can respect him. Meanwhile, Roger gets married so he can buy a new blender.

The gang buys scads of lottery tickets for the multimillion-dollar jackpot.

Rachel's visit to a soap opera set inspires her to dream about Joey; Chandler takes Ross on a weekend getaway after Monica cannot take time off from work.

Ross invites an attractive paleontologist (Aisha Tyler) to a rooftop ``Days of Our Lives'' party being thrown by Joey.

Monica and Chandler run into an old acquaintance when they secretly go to a fertility clinic; Ross helps Joey woo the same professor (Aisha Tyler) he wants to date.

Doug is convinced he is being replaced when Deacon starts spending time with a new friend.

Carrie grows jealous when Spence's girlfriend (Christine Nelson) recruits Doug to test her culinary homework.

Kramer is a stand-in on a soap opera; George wants to break up with a girlfriend.

A girlfriend (Courteney Cox) poses as Jerry's wife so he can get a dry-cleaning discount.

A kitchen fire makes George confront his cowardliness; guests Melanie Chartoff, Dom Irrera.

A near-death experience lands Brian in the hospital but infuses him with a new passion for life.

At his high school reunion, Peter pretends to be a millionaire, but the truth comes out when he meets Tom Brady and loses all self-control.

Howard's wedding plans are in jeopardy after the guys (and Wil Wheaton) throw him a bachelor party and details of his sexual history are leaked online.

When NASA reschedules Howard's mission and puts his wedding plans in jeopardy, he's forced to face his fears and Bernadette's dad (guest star CASEY SANDER).

When Howard and Bernadette decide they want to be married before his NASA space launch, the gang rushes to put on a wedding, on the fifth season finale.

Guests: Kevin Hart, Chris Kluwe, Eve

Guests: Kevin Hart, Chris Kluwe, Eve

Michael's idea to use Willy Wonka-style "Golden Tickets" for paper discounts for clients backfires. Kevin gets advice about dating from Andy, Jim, and Pam.

How far would you go to capture the heart of the one you love? Coming & Going features Lee (Rhys Darby), a thirty something OB-GYN who lacks any confidence with women outside his successful medical practice. When he is forced to spend some time in a wheelchair, (the result of a yoga class gone awry), the woman that he had a crush on from afar for seven years, Alex (Sasha Alexander), finally takes notice.

It's Al and Peggy's 20th anniversary and Bud and Kelly pack them off to a time-share scam in Florida so heavy metal band Anthrax can party at the Bundy house.

Al takes the family out for a Bundy Sunday Fun Day, but when he can't pay for gas, he is forced to work off his debt as an attendant on the full-serve island.

When Peg's 5-year-old nephew Seven is abandoned at the Bundy doorstep by his loser parents, Peg and Al decide to keep him, much to their kids' dismay.

When Kelly's date gives her an ultimatum, she finds herself stranded but not alone on a deserted road 15 miles outside Chicago. Meanwhile, Peg tries to put some spice back into her marriage by spending Saturday night "communicating" with Al.

When Seven can't remember his birthday, Peggy assigns him one, selecting the next day, which also happens to be Al's birthday. The family decides to go to the town park to celebrate, only to find it's been rented by a rich, snobby family.

When Peggy panics over Seven's sneezes, she begins piling up medical bills, forcing Al to take on a second job as a "topless" bartender.

While delivering sandwiches to a former classmate, Earl decides to help make him a real man by teaching him to gamble.

After Earl accidentally gets Catalina deported, he and Randy go on a mission to get her back.

Partygoers overrun Will and Carlton's off-campus apartment.

Will and Carlton are booted from their apartment; Hilary gets a shocking on-air proposal.

Malik and his father bumps heads when Malik leads a protest against a man being put to death. C.J. lead the arson investigation that put the man away.

Brown starts charging the residents (and Cora) for amenities around the house--and it gets way out of hand: pay toilet, vending machine in the kitchen, parking meters, etc. The residents plot their revenge on Brown. Meanwhile, Will is threatened when Sasha is offered a job that pays more than he makes.

When Suzanne is overly protective teaching Lindsey how to drive, Nick takes over and makes Lindsey feel confident, until she scratches Suzannes's car and chooses to lie about it.

To meet girls, Will poses as his newborn cousin's single dad.

Ray refuses to buy a $250 dress for Ally to wear to her friend's birthday party.

Stan goes to great lengths to never, ever end up in a situation ending with Francine telling him, "I told you so." She lets him hook his boss Bullock up with her friend, but when Bullock accidentally kills the woman, Stan frames Francine so that she'll stop asking questions.

Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine's past really was. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.

Ross tries to convince Rachel that her date (BEN STILLER) is psychotic. Joey's play gets terrible reviews.

Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.

Monica's boyfriend cannot stop fighting. Chandler's boss is overly friendly. BILLY CRYSTAL and ROBIN WILLIAMS guest star. Referee JOHN McCARTHY and announcer BRUCE BUFFER guest star as themselves.

The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.

Doug accidentally spills mayonnaise on one of Carrie's most important clients while at a Mets game.

Doug starts club-hopping with newly single Deacon.

Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.

Kramer's scheme to sell vintage raincoats backfires; George sells his dad's clothes; guest Judge Reinhold.

George learns success lies in doing the opposite of what he would normally do; guests Dedee Pfeiffer, Regis Philbin, Kathie Lee Gifford; French Stewart.

When Peter goes on a television game show and wins a maid for a week, Quagmire becomes smitten with her and ends up popping the question.

After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy.

The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic battle between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons. All that stands between the Decepticons and ultimate power is a clue held by young Sam Witwicky. Unaware that he is mankind''s last chance for survival, Sam and Bumblebee, his robot disguised as a car, are in a race against an enemy unlike anything anyone has seen before.

When Marilyn throws a gold party at Nick and Suzanne's, and Nick learns Suzanne's wedding ring isn't real, he sets out to have a real ring made before Suzanne learns the truth, while Suzanne thinks she has lost her wedding ring forever and panics trying to replace it. Guest starring: Ice Cube

Nick plans a surprise, belated honeymoon for he and Suzanne. But when Suzanne discovers the mystery reservations, she assumes her man is having an affair with boxing champ Laila Ali!

When Lindsey accompanies Suzanne to work and meets one of her mother's old friends, a misunderstanding causes Lindsey to believe she may have a secret older brother.

When Nick tries to be spontaneous, but Suzanne resists and instead plans a date night that fails, they attempt to be spontaneous together--until they realize it's better if she makes plans but keeps him in the dark.

Erin''s wry wit and unfiltered frankness charms newly single Garrett over beer, bar trivia and breakfast the next morning. Their chemistry sparks a full-fledged summer fling, but neither expects it to last once Erin heads home to San Francisco and Garrett stays behind for his job in New York City. But when six weeks of romping through the city inadvertently become meaningful, neither is sure they want it to end. And while Garrett''s friends, Box and Dan, joke about his pre-flight calorie-cutting and his full-time relationship with his cell phone, they don''t like losing their best drinking buddy to yet another rocky romance. At the same time, Erin''s high-strung, overprotective married sister, Corrine, wants to keep Erin from heading down an all-too-familiar road. But despite the opposite coasts, the nay-saying friends and family, and a few unexpected temptations, the couple just might have found something like love, and with the help of a lot of texting, sexting and late-night phone calls, they might actually go the distance.

When Seven can't remember his birthday, Peggy assigns him one, selecting the next day, which also happens to be Al's birthday. The family decides to go to the town park to celebrate, only to find it's been rented by a rich, snobby family.

When Peggy panics over Seven's sneezes, she begins piling up medical bills, forcing Al to take on a second job as a "topless" bartender.

Jeff and his pals are divided over how to spend a hunting weekend.

Matt has a crush on his teacher, but it's Big Jim who asks her out on a date.

With the elections coming up, Al convinces his family to register and vote for the first time in an effort to stop a proposed tax on beer. When the tax increase passes, Al leads an angry protest to overturn the bill.

When Al can't afford to pay the bills, he convinces Kelly to get a job. Finding employment as a waitress at a burger joint, Kelly realizes why mother Peg has never worked a day in her life.

Carlton seeks his first meaningful relationship with a woman.

Phil sues Will and Carlton for back rent.

Miranda is hurt when she overhears Curtis and Ella talking bad about her. C.J.'s department enjoys the softball team until a horrible Janine wants to join.

Cora gets a job substitute teaching, thinking she'll be teaching "little angels". But she is tested when she's assigned some of the toughest students in the school. Meanwhile, Brown and London compete in a "fashion showdown" for a NY designer.

When Nick's new field producer, Sam, turns out to be female, Suzanne is convinced she's trying to steal her man, a suggestion Nick thinks is absurd--until Sam makes a move on Nick. Guest starring: Sandy "Pepa" Denton

It''s hard enough being the nerdy new guy on campus without also being the new girl on campus, who has fallen for the coolest guy on campus, who is totally obsessed with the most beautiful girl on campus, who is "crushing" on the nerdy new guy on campus. Viola Johnson had her own good reasons for disguising herself as her twin brother Sebastian and enrolling in his place at his new boarding school, Illyria Prep. She was counting on Sebastian being AWOL from school, while he tried to break into the music scene in London. What she didn''t count on was falling in love with her hot roommate, Duke, who in turn only has eyes for the beautiful Olivia. Making matters worse, Olivia is starting to fall for Sebastian, who--for reasons Olivia couldn''t begin to guess--appears to be the sensitive type of guy she''d always dreamed of meeting. If things weren''t complicated enough, the real Sebastian has come back from London two days earlier than expected and arrives on campus having no clue that he''s been replaced--by his own twin sister.

At 17 Mike O'Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what's supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she's pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he's happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned's house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.

Debra is hurt when Ray receives an honorary doctorate and thanks everyone except her in his acceptance speech. He claims it was accidental, but Debra is quick to remind him of past snubs that were all too deliberate.

Amy's parents put Robert on the defensive when they point out his strange habit of touching food to his chin before he eats it.

Ross loves dating Rachel again -- but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.

Phoebe thinks her adoptive mother's spirit inhabits a stray cat. Joey's attempt to sell his entertainment center proves hazardous. DAN GAUTHIER guest stars.

Monica tries to prove her mother wrong. Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss.

Joey makes an odd deal with the building superintendent to prevent him from evicting Rachel and Monica. Phoebe wants to date her sexy massage client.

Carrie is overcome with guilt when she gets a digital music player for free because of the cashier's inattention.

Doug's elation at winning two tickets to the NCAA Final Four turns to guilt when Carrie prompts him to take Arthur instead of Deacon.

Howard and Raj try to find the perfect match for Sheldon by setting him up on an Internet dating site. Seeing her moronic new boyfriend interact with the gang makes it abundantly clear to Penny that she can't go back to dating stereotypical dumb jocks after dating Leonard.

In the 4th season opener, Howard uses a robotic arm for his own pleasure; and Sheldon goes on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler---his first date ever---and Penny finds herself accompanying them. (Mayim Bialik guest stars)

Sheldon calculates that he'll be dead before technology exists to download his consciousness into a robot, so he goes on a binge of healthy living and ultra-safety.

When Sheldon "breaks up" with Amy Farrah Fowler (Mayim Bialik), the guys worry when he starts replacing her with cats.

Wolowitz is embarrassed when a secret of his is revealed; and Sheldon and Raj battle at work.

Sheldon meets Amy Farrah Fowler's mother, and comes to the realization that he no longer wants to see Amy; and Leonard realizes that everyone is in a relationship except for him.

When Raj's sister has a one-day layover he forbids the others from hooking up with her, unaware she and Leonard already did long ago.

The rest of the gang is interviewed by the FBI for Wolowitz's security clearance, with Sheldon accidentally letting slip some damaging information. (Eliza Dushku guest stars)

At 17 Mike O'Donell (Zac Efron) was on top of the world; he was a basketball star and was a shoe in for a college scholarship. But on what's supposed to be his big game where college scouts are checking him out, His girlfriend Scarlett reveals that she's pregnant. Mike decides to leave the game and asks Scarlett to marry him. During their marriage, Mike could only whine about the life he lost because he married her. So she throws him out. And when he loses his job, he returns to the only place he's happy at - his old high school. And while looking at his high school photo, a janitor asks him if he wishes he could be 17 again and he says yes. One night while driving he sees the janitor on a bridge and apparently jumps in and he goes after him. When he returns to his friend Ned's house, where he has been staying, he sees that he is 17 again. He decides to take this opportunity to get the life he lost.

It''s hard enough being the nerdy new guy on campus without also being the new girl on campus, who has fallen for the coolest guy on campus, who is totally obsessed with the most beautiful girl on campus, who is "crushing" on the nerdy new guy on campus. Viola Johnson had her own good reasons for disguising herself as her twin brother Sebastian and enrolling in his place at his new boarding school, Illyria Prep. She was counting on Sebastian being AWOL from school, while he tried to break into the music scene in London. What she didn''t count on was falling in love with her hot roommate, Duke, who in turn only has eyes for the beautiful Olivia. Making matters worse, Olivia is starting to fall for Sebastian, who--for reasons Olivia couldn''t begin to guess--appears to be the sensitive type of guy she''d always dreamed of meeting. If things weren''t complicated enough, the real Sebastian has come back from London two days earlier than expected and arrives on campus having no clue that he''s been replaced--by his own twin sister.

With the elections coming up, Al convinces his family to register and vote for the first time in an effort to stop a proposed tax on beer. When the tax increase passes, Al leads an angry protest to overturn the bill.

When Al can't afford to pay the bills, he convinces Kelly to get a job. Finding employment as a waitress at a burger joint, Kelly realizes why mother Peg has never worked a day in her life.

Bud's big plans to move into his college dorm are destroyed when Al and Peg manage to get their hands on his scholarship money and go on a shopping spree. Broke and dormless, Bud is forced back into the Bundy household.

Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents, but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.

As the Bundys prepare to attend their cousin Jimmy's wedding, everything begins to go wrong. Al can't find his suit, Peg can't get her make-up right, Kelly and the bridesmaids think they have on the wrong dresses and Bud gets caught with the bride.

Al takes a fishing trip alone, only to have Peg and Marcy show up and spoil his vacation.

While Earl befriends hostage-taker Diego (John Leguizamo), Randy encounters a married couple who use him to fill a void in their lives.

Joey thinks that Chandler hates Joey's new girlfriend--but the truth could be even more upsetting. Ross and Rachel try to make each other jealous.

Ross' beautiful new girlfriend has a disgusting secret. Chandler becomes more familiar with Joey's girlfriend.

Chandler is guilt-ridden after kissing Joey's girlfriend. Ross' musical talents are not as amazing as he and Phoebe think

The guys try to be spontaneous and wild. After Monica gives a bad restaurant review, she receives a new career opportunity. Rachel's boss offers her a promotion.

Amy and Marie debate whether Robert should retire from the police force early.

When Carrie discovers that her and Doug's ski weekend getaway was motivated by a promotion for a free plasma TV that Doug wants, her romantic mood sours.

Doug digs a deeper hole for himself when he fakes a heart attack to avoid angering Carrie for not knowing her friend's name.

Norbit has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong. Things get worse when he''s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia. Just when Norbit''s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate, moves back to town.

Guru Pitka was once an ordinary American child, until his family left him at the gates of an Indian ashram to be raised by the exhaulted Guru Tugginmypuddha. Growing up in the small fishing village of Harenmahkeester, Pitka was schooled in the inner secrets of spiritual attainment along with his friend and sole rival, Deepak Chopra. But now, Chopra is a massive celebrity in America, and Pitka is still playing second-fiddle without even an "Oprah" episode on his resume. Determined to share his unending insights into the nature of life and get famous to boot, Pitka responds to a fateful call for help from Jane Bullard, owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. It seems her star player, Darren Roanoke has gone overnight from being a big hero to a big zero-scorer because his wife, Prudence, left him and is now dating the L.A. Kings' legendary goalie, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande. Pitka's new quest--to restore loving bliss between Darren and Prudence and attain the celestial heights of the Stanley Cup--will challenge everything he thought he knew about the inner workings of truth, love, happiness and hockey.

Joe Dirt is a janitor with a mullet hairdo, acid-washed jeans and a dream to find the parents that he lost at the Grand Canyon when he was a belligerent, trailer park-raised eight-year-old. Now, blasting Van Halen in his jacked-up economy car, the irrepressibly optimistic Joe hits the road alone in search of his folks. As his wandering, misguided search takes him from one comedic adventure to another, Joe finds his way to Los Angeles, where a shock-jock brings Joe on his radio show to insult him. But as Joe''s life story unfolds, jeers turn to cheers, and an entire captivated city tunes in to hear the adventures of Joe Dirt.

Two days before his wedding, Doug and his three buddies drive to Vegas for a blow-out night they''ll never forget. But when the three groomsmen wake up the next morning with pounding headaches, they can''t remember a thing. Their posh hotel suite is beyond trashed and the groom is nowhere to be found. With no clue of what happened and little time to spare, the trio must attempt to retrace their bad decisions from the night before in order to figure out where things went wrong and hopefully get Doug back to L.A. in time for his wedding. However, the more they begin to uncover, the more they realize just how much trouble they''re really in.

Joe Dirt is a janitor with a mullet hairdo, acid-washed jeans and a dream to find the parents that he lost at the Grand Canyon when he was a belligerent, trailer park-raised eight-year-old. Now, blasting Van Halen in his jacked-up economy car, the irrepressibly optimistic Joe hits the road alone in search of his folks. As his wandering, misguided search takes him from one comedic adventure to another, Joe finds his way to Los Angeles, where a shock-jock brings Joe on his radio show to insult him. But as Joe''s life story unfolds, jeers turn to cheers, and an entire captivated city tunes in to hear the adventures of Joe Dirt.

Guru Pitka was once an ordinary American child, until his family left him at the gates of an Indian ashram to be raised by the exhaulted Guru Tugginmypuddha. Growing up in the small fishing village of Harenmahkeester, Pitka was schooled in the inner secrets of spiritual attainment along with his friend and sole rival, Deepak Chopra. But now, Chopra is a massive celebrity in America, and Pitka is still playing second-fiddle without even an "Oprah" episode on his resume. Determined to share his unending insights into the nature of life and get famous to boot, Pitka responds to a fateful call for help from Jane Bullard, owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. It seems her star player, Darren Roanoke has gone overnight from being a big hero to a big zero-scorer because his wife, Prudence, left him and is now dating the L.A. Kings' legendary goalie, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande. Pitka's new quest--to restore loving bliss between Darren and Prudence and attain the celestial heights of the Stanley Cup--will challenge everything he thought he knew about the inner workings of truth, love, happiness and hockey.

What a year at John Hughes High! The Wasp football team goes all the way -- into the cellar, that is, when quarterback Jake Wyler makes an errant pass and Reggie Ray racks up his umpteenth concussion. Things perk up at a dazzling year-end prom when conjoined twins Kara and Sally Fratelli are crowned prom queens. Other highlights from this year include a nasty toilet explosion that drops in the middle of Mr. Keller's English class, Jake fails to seduce Janey with a human whipped cream sundae and Janey is apprehended by police after Jake's moving serenade of Aerosmith's "Janey's Got a Gun". Many new faces deck the halls this year, including Sadie, a 90 year-old undercover reporter and foreign exchange student Areola, who becomes the object of lust for all American nerds. Malik continues to be the "token black guy," Catherine is still in love with her brother, Bruce still thinks he's Asian, and Ox is still a virgin...

Al takes a fishing trip alone, only to have Peg and Marcy show up and spoil his vacation.

As the Bundys prepare to attend their cousin Jimmy's wedding, everything begins to go wrong. Al can't find his suit, Peg can't get her make-up right, Kelly and the bridesmaids think they have on the wrong dresses and Bud gets caught with the bride.

Peggy's unflattering cartoon makes Al a reluctant celebrity.

Bud goes on a dating game for "nerds."

While reading a romance novel, Peg fantasizes that she is a lady in distress and Al is the pirate who saves her.

Al becomes obsessed with his age after a theater cashier gives him a senior citizen's discount.

Al becomes a local hero when he stands up to a burglar.

Earl, Randy, Joy, Darnell and other Camden County residents relive the day that they were filmed for the show ``Cops.''

Earl learns that the treasure he had stolen is no longer where he buried it.

Hilary summons a spirit channeler, who hexes Will.

Will and Carlton try to get accepted to an African-American fraternity.

Malik marries Summer. Calvin and Miranda have a hard time adjusting to living with Curtis and Ella.

Will and Sasha are determined to fight Tanya, and keep her from taking the kids. Meanwhile, London and Jesus continue their love/hate relationship.

Will fakes illness so he can get out of a date and attend a Playboy-mansion party.

Will feels responsible for Phil's heart attack.

When the MacDougals are invited to spend Easter with the Barones, the families attempt to bond over a 500-piece puzzle.

Stan drives himself crazy worrying about the neighborhood's opinion of him. Roger and Steve become con artists.

Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day. Meanwhile, Roger pits Francine and Hayley against each other for his own amusement.

Phoebe's half-brother makes an astounding announcement and a thought-provoking request. Joey finds himself in a class struggle.

Phoebe finds out whether she is pregnant or not. A simple challenge escalates into a full-blown contest between the guys and the women.

Rachel schemes to get a handsome client to ask her on a date. Chandler's jealousy causes problems with his girlfriend.

Chandler's annoying former girlfriend reappears. Ross plays rugby to impress Emily -- with painful results.

When their neighbor passes away, Carrie convinces Doug it would be a smart investment to buy the house and sell it for profit.

Doug and Carrie sneak off to New Orleans without Doug's cousins.

Jerry's girlfriend sees George naked during a weekend at the beach.

In an effort to grow up, George proposes marriage to former girlfriend Susan.

Feeling overwhelmed, George wants to postpone marrying Susan.

When Meg lands an internship with Mayor West, Brian argues that he is corrupt; a local talent show brings Peter and Lois back to their folk-singing days.

After reading an erotic novel, Peter decides to write one of his own and gets Carter to publish it.

Brian becomes a crazed activist when Mayor West bans gay marriage after Jasper announces he wants to marry his partner at the Griffin home.

Peter discovers an Indian burial ground in the backyard; Stewie gets sucked into the television.

The Griffins get robbed; Peter narrates a chain of events in world history that explains the Griffin name.

Guests: Adam Sandler, Molly Shannon and Nate Bargatze

Guests: Adam Sandler, Molly Shannon and Nate Bargatze

Michael's idea to use Willy Wonka-style "Golden Tickets" for paper discounts for clients backfires. Kevin gets advice about dating from Andy, Jim, and Pam.

A high-school boy gets the chance to report on a rising rock band''s tour.

Al becomes obsessed with his age after a theater cashier gives him a senior citizen's discount.

Al becomes a local hero when he stands up to a burglar.

Kelly gets an unpleasant surprise when the family takes her to a movie on her birthday.

When Peg complains about Al's lovemaking to the girls at the beauty parlor, he becomes the laughingstock of the town.

The man whom Earl once locked in a truck dies; Randy and Catalina look for an apartment together.

Earl flies a former foreign-exchange student, whom he used to torture, to America to show him all of the great things the country has to offer.

Will sets up his English professor (Phil Morris) with Hilary.

Fraternity brothers leave drunken Will in a cemetery, where he is haunted.

C.J. and Janine have a party and don't invite Curtis and Ella. Malik and Summer argue over an obscure anniversary.

Will has a lot of explaining to do when Sasha discovers photos on his cell phone from a bachelor party. Meanwhile, Mr. Brown searches his own family tree only to discover a connection between Mrs. Daisy's ancestors and his own ancestors.

Distractions thwart Will's attempt to cram for an exam.

Carlton and Will clash over running the Peacock Stop.

When Robert informs Ray that Amy filled him in on some juicy gossip about him, Ray decides to get even with Debra by sharing some nasty secrets of his own.

Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida where there is a warrent out for Jeff's arrest. Meanwhile, Roger wants to turn Jeff in himself so he can claim the reward money. The rest of the family wants to intervene as Stan and Roger battle it out on the road, but they are stranded at the Smith house until they can find Francine's car keys.

The family finds out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to make it up to Francine by taking the family on a real cruise, but, when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Roger goes from cruise ship singer to a dancer in a seedy gentleman's club.

Trying to become better acquainted with her sexy client, Rachel inadvertently thwarts Ross' plans for a romantic evening with his girlfriend.

Monica helps Ross tell his girlfriend that he loves her. Phoebe gets some surprising news about her pregnancy.

Ross and his ex-wife become jealous when their lovers go to England together. Rachel's plans to seduce her boyfriend go awry.

Drastic changes occur in Ross' relationship with Emily. Monica and Rachel will do anything to get their old apartment back from the guys.

In-laws (Jerry Stiller, Lisa Rieffel) displace Doug Heffernan (Kevin James) and his 70-inch TV from a basement lair; with Leah Remini.

Doug and Carrie search for a compatible couple to take with them to the firm's annual golf outing.

Elaine's boyfriend's comments on villas in Tuscany stirs Jerry's curiosity.

An uncontrollable wink creates problems for George and Kramer.

Elaine's house guest arrives for the city's marathon; Kramer gets a hot tub.

In the Series opener, brilliant physicist roommates Leonard and Sheldon meet their new neighbor Penny, who begins showing them that as much as they know about science, they know little about actual living.

Leonard volunteers to sign for a package in an attempt to make a good impression on Penny, but when he enlists Sheldon for help, his attempt at chivalry goes terribly awry.

Leonard asks a work colleague (Sara Gilbert) out after he finds out that Penny is seeing someone.

Sheldon's getting fired forces him to explore what life has to offer outside physics, leaving Leonard to take drastic action to snap his friend out of his funk.

Fearing he's wasting his time on Penny, Leonard ends up making a connection with Leslie. (Sara Gilbert) Meanwhile, Sheldon frets over a change to his hamburger routine.

Penny hosts a Halloween party, putting Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali through a new test of their social skills.

Guests: Charlie Sheen, Tony Hale and Dropkick Murphys

With Pam in tow, Michael gets sent around to other Dunder Mifflin branches to explain Scranton's success. Meanwhile, Dwight and Jim, the new heads of the party planning committee, forget Kelly's birthday, and Andy falls for one of Stanley's account contacts.

Guests: Charlie Sheen, Tony Hale and Dropkick Murphys

Michael and Pam go to Nashua and discover that Holly has a new boyfriend. At the office, Jim and Dwight try to come up with a theme for Kelly's birthday party, and Angela gets a new cat.

A young woman (Jessica Simpson) becomes the unwitting pawn of two ruthless business executives in their bid to usurp and replace the head of an international conglomerate.

Marcus pretends that he has forgotten his and Angela's anniversary. He is excited to surprise her with a new diamond ring he ordered months ago after she hinted around about wanting it. Marcus' plan goes horribly wrong after he asks Joseph to hold the ring for him. Joseph inadvertently loses the ring when he leaves it in his jacket pocket and has Todd take it to the cleaner. Now it appears that Marcus forgot.

Peg spends all of Al's early retirement money and forces him to go back to work.

Kelly gets an unpleasant surprise when the family takes her to a movie on her birthday.

When Peg complains about Al's lovemaking to the girls at the beauty parlor, he becomes the laughingstock of the town.