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SCHEDULE: April 2017

Times listed for EASTERN and PACIFIC timezones except where otherwise noted.

Wednesday, April 26

6:00 am
Married With Children
Mystery of Skull Island, The
While Peggy, Al, Marcy and Jefferson play a New Age board game, Bud finds himself unable to say no to sexy Kara even if it kills him.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Just Shoe It
Al relives his glory days as a high school football star (All City '66) when he lands a role in a Super Bowl commercial with ex-jocks Sugar Ray Leonard, Steve Carlton and Ed "Too Tall" Jones.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Rites of Passage
Though Peggy has hired Sticky the Clown to entertain at Bud's 18th birthday party, Al follows Bundy tradition and takes his son to the nudie bar for his first brawl.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Egg and I, The
Steve Rhoades, on the run after hijacking an endangered egg, returns to reclaim his ex-wife, but Marcy doesn't want him back and all the Bundys want is to turn him in to the FBI for the reward money.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
My Dinner with Anthrax
It's Al and Peggy's 20th anniversary and Bud and Kelly pack them off to a time-share scam in Florida so heavy metal band Anthrax can party at the Bundy house.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Psychic Avengers
When Al takes over Jefferson's psychic scam, rival mystic Madame Inga puts a curse on the entire Bundy family.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
No Orleans
Doug and Carrie sneak off to New Orleans without Doug's cousins.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Missing Links
Doug and Carrie search for a compatible couple to take with them to the firm's annual golf outing.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Hero Worship
Doug's uncle offers to back financially his desire to open a sandwich shop.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Screwed Driver
Doug's parents take over the house when Carrie goes on a business trip.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Hangover Part Tubbs, The
Donna campaigns to be elected to the school board; Cleveland accidentally "kills" an opponent while playing "the Hurt Locker game;" Junior realizes he's an excellent driver.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
California Dreamin' (All the Cleves Are Brown)
The Browns relocate to Los Angeles so Cleveland can pursue his fantasy of becoming a major league baseball scout; Donna and the kids are seduced by the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Holy S***, Jeff's Back!
Jeff returns from space. Or does he Meanwhile, Steve watches after Snot's hamster.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
American Fung
American Dad is sold to a Chinese businessman. Meanwhile, Stan has Francine committed to an insane asylum when he forgets their anniversary.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Seizures Suit Stanny
When Stan lies about his texting and driving accident, he takes a seizure medication and suffers from the side effects. Meanwhile, Roger helps Steve with his performance anxiety.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Roots
Stan sets out to stop a tree that he considers his father from being cut down. Steve realizes he's stopped growing and considers surgery.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Road to Germany
Mort Goldman accidentally steps into a time machine and winds up in 1939 Poland in the middle of the Nazi invasion. Brian and Stewie follow him to Nazi Germany in an attempt to save him and bring him back to the present safely.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Baby Not On Board
When Peter wins free gas for a year, Brian suggests a road trip to the Grand Canyon. After careful planning and packing, they depart, only to leave Stewie behind. Hilarity ensues as they race back to Quahog.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, The
In Barbados, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe eavesdrop on their friends' passionate encounters; Monica styles her hair to look like a blowfish; Phoebe and Mike rekindle their romance.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Is Fine, The
Ross drinks too much alcohol at dinner with Rachel, Joey and Charlie; Frank Jr. cannot cope with his precocious triplets.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Tan, The
Rachel and Joey nervously anticipate their first real date; Monica and Phoebe try to avoid an obnoxious friend with a fake British accent; Ross emerges from a tanning booth with a two-toned appearance.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cake, The
An X-rated cake is delivered to Emma's first birthday party.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, The
Rachel convinces her sister to baby-sit over Ross' protests; Joey writes a letter to an adoption agency on Monica and Chandler's behalf.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Grant, The
When Ross interviews with Charlie's ex-boyfriend for a prized grant, the doctor makes a shocking stipulation; Chandler lies about watching Joey's bizarre audition tape.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Cartoon, The
Susan's old friend Sally succeeds with a one-woman show about Jerry.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Strongbox, The
Kramer hides his strongbox key at Jerry's place; a neighbor feuds with Jerry.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Wizard, The
Jerry buys his father an electronic organizer; Kramer retires to Florida.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Burning, The
George seeks timely exits; Jerry's gal has a secret; Elaine learns Puddy is religious.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Santa Simulation, The
Sheldon unwillingly revisits some Christmas memories during a lively game of Dungeons and Dragons, while Raj joins the girls for ladies night out.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Egg Salad Equivalency, The
Sheldon is accused of sexual harassment at the University and winds up dragging Leonard, Raj and Howard into the fray.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bakersfield Expedition, The
Leonard's car is stolen when the guys take a road trip to a comic book convention in Bakersfield, dressed as Star Trek characters.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper, The/Kripke Inversion
Outraged that he's being forced to work with his university nemesis, Barry Kripke (guest star JOHN ROSS BOWIE), Sheldon faces a crisis of conscience.
TV-14
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Spoiler Alert Segmentation, The
When Sheldon and Leonard fight, it affects Penny and Amy's living arrangements. Meanwhile, Raj takes care of Mrs. Wolowitz while Howard is away.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
April 5, 2017
Full Frontal inducts a new "she-leader" into the Great Feminists in Feminism Herstory Hall of Lady Fame.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71027
Guests: Dennis Quaid, Morena Baccarin, Nikki Lane
TV-14
12:00 am
The Detour
Ass, The
The family is reunited, but this time it's Robin who makes a huge mistake.
TV-MA
12:31 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71027
Guests: Dennis Quaid, Morena Baccarin, Nikki Lane
TV-14
1:31 am
The Detour
Wedding, The
Instead of getting back on the road, Robin agrees to marry the southern gentleman Dr. Rob and his Russian bride but soon realizes that something is very, very, very, very wrong.
TV-MA
2:00 am
The Detour
Road, The
Blue Thunder is stuck in traffic. Nate and Robin take a stroll down memory lane about how they met and the kids learn an important lesson in too much information. Seriously. Too much. Stop telling us all this.
TV-MA
2:30 am
The Detour
Drop, The
Nate needs to take a detour to Salvation, Florida where it's Christmas every day of the year except on Christmas. Things get tense when the family discovers Nate has been lying to them in addition to the fact that they are being followed by government goons.
TV-MA
3:00 am
The Detour
Track, The
The Parkers finally make it to Ft. Lauderdale only to have Nate's plan of getting his job back completely unravel. Fortunately, at a nearby race track, there is hope.
TV-MA
3:30 am
The Detour
Beach, The
Nate, Robin and the kids attempt to take down Nate's company in epic whistle blowing fashion. It won't be easy, but if there's one thing we've learned about this family is that they don't give up without at least a punch to the throat and maybe a cheap kick to the groin.
TV-MA
4:00 am
Married With Children
High I.Q.
Bud is up in arms when Kelly is invited to join a group of geniuses while Al and Jefferson try their hand at putting together a workbench and lose a few fingers in the process.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
Teacher Pets
When Bud's English teacher has the hots for him, he seeks advice from Al, who takes time out of his busy schedule attending birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese to correct the situation with the usual Bundy flair.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Goodbye Girl, The
While Al takes a world tour via the living room couch and remote control, Kelly gets a job at the TV World theme park.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Gas Station Show, The
Al takes the family out for a Bundy Sunday Fun Day, but when he can't pay for gas, he is forced to work off his debt as an attendant on the full-serve island.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, April 27

6:00 am
Married With Children
England Show Part 1
The Bundys win a free trip to England but little do they know they are being set up for execution for only the death of every male Bundy can lift the curse of darkness from the English town of Lower Uncton.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
England Show Part 2
Al, Peggy and Bud arrive in Lower Uncton, where the townspeople prepare to kill them but lost, globetrotting Kelly, is able to warn them of danger.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
England Show Part 3
When the townspeople of Upper and Lower Uncton fight over who gets to kill Al and Bud, Al jousts to save his neck, but a little trouble in Customs concerning a certain hotel towel gets him thrown in the dungeon.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Magnificent Seven
When Peg's 5-year-old nephew Seven is abandoned at the Bundy doorstep by his loser parents, Peg and Al decide to keep him, much to their kids' dismay.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
T-R-A-Something-Something Spells Tramp
When Kelly's date gives her an ultimatum, she finds herself stranded but not alone on a deserted road 15 miles outside Chicago. Peg tries to put some spice back into her marriage by spending Saturday night communicating with Al.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Every Bundy Has a Birthday
When Seven can't remember his birthday, Peggy assigns him one, selecting the next day, which also happens to be Al's birthday. The family decides to go to the town park to celebrate, only to find it's been rented by a rich, snobby family.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Lush Life
Doug tries to get Carrie inebriated so he can cheat on his diet.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Patrons Ain't
When their accountant makes them feel guilty about their lack of charitable donations, Doug and Carrie decide to make a large donation to a school library.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Bun Dummy
Doug tries to find a tactful way of telling Carrie he does not like her new hairstyle.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Shrink Wrap
Carrie and Doug send Arthur to a psychiatrist, to whom he reveals his relationship with his father.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Fist and the Furious
Cleveland attempts to improve Dr. Fist's social life, only to discover he used to work for the mob; Rallo and Junior discover a business opportunity in the form of a food truck.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Who Done Did It?
Cleveland seeks revenge against people who've wronged him and his family...until he's accused of a murder he didn't commit.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Life Aquatic with Steve Smith, The
Steve joins the high school water polo team in order to get girls. Meanwhile, Roger and Stan get a boat.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Hayley Smith, Seal Team Six
Hayley mentally regresses to a six-year-old. Steve and his pals get a slow cooker.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
N.S.A. (No Snoops Allowed)
Steve goes to work with Stan and discovers the N.S.A. Hayley decides to let go of being a vegetarian and eat meat for one day.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Stan Smith as Keanu Reeves as Stanny Utah in Point Breakers
Stan goes undercover as a surfer a la Point Break. Steve befriends a drifter, Hayley might be pregnant and Roger wants the World Cup to be held in their backyard.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Man With Two Brians, The
When Brian hurts his back saving Peter, Peter thinks Brian's getting too old, and brings another dog--named New Brian--into the family; and when everyone falls in love with the new pet, Brian leaves home.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Tales of a Third Grade Nothing
Peter is forced to go back to the third grade to try and qualify for a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Brian opens a bar with Frank Sinatra Jr, where they employ Stewie to make it a hotspot.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Home Study, The
Monica and Chandler fuss over their apartment as they expect a visit from the adoption worker; Phoebe and Mike opt for a small wedding and donate the extra money to a children's charity.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Birth Mother, The
A prospective birth mother labors under a misconception about Monica and Chandler's respective occupations.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Gets Caught, The
Rachel and Phoebe spot Chandler getting into a vehicle with a mysterious blond woman.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Stripper Cries, The
Joey appears as a celebrity contestant on $100,000 Pyramid. Monica and Rachel hire an ungainly stripper for Phoebe's bachelorette party.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Wedding, The
A blizzard causes Phoebe and Mike's wedding to spiral out of control; uptight Monica steps in as her friend's wedding planner, then drives everyone crazy.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Speaks French, The
Monica and Chandler show Erica the sights but also learn their baby's biological father might be an unsavory character. Joey begs Phoebe to teach him how to speak French before an audition.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Bookstore, The
George hopes to meet women at a bookstore where Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Frogger, The
Elaine eats Peterman's cake; Kramer helps George steal an arcade game.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Maid, The
Jerry begins a relationship with his maid (Angela Featherstone); George wants a nickname.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Finale Part 1, The
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Seinfeld
Finale Part 2, The
After NBC picks up Jerry and George's sitcom, the four pals are arrested for breaking the good Samaritan law.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Seinfeld
Ex-Girlfriend, The
George puzzles over how to dump a domineering girlfriend.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tangible Affection Proof, The
Sheldon struggles to find a Valentine's gift for Amy.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Monster Isolation, The
Raj vows never to leave his apartment after a horrible date.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Contractual Obligation Implementation, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Howard try to advance the cause of women in science by speaking with junior high girls about their future careers, while Raj plans his date with Lucy.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Closet Reconfiguration, The
To open or not to open When Howard finds a letter from his father, he's forced to confront his past. And Leonard and Penny throw a grown-up cocktail party at the apartment.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71028
Guests: Patton Oswalt, Freddie Highmore, Pixies
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Clip Show Part 1, The
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71028
Guests: Patton Oswalt, Freddie Highmore, Pixies
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Clip Show Part 2, The
Clips highlight the show's past nine seasons.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Psychic Shakedown
After discovering that Candy Andy closed up his shop following their breakup, Caroline visits a psychic for a reading about her future love life.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And Just Plane Magic
When Max scores tickets to a music awards show in Los Angeles, she and Caroline end up flying on a private jet with Grammy-nominated rapper 2 Chainz.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
This is Where I Leave You
When their father passes away, four grown siblings, bruised and banged up by their respective adult lives, are forced to return to their childhood home and live under the same roof together for a week, along with their over-sharing mother and an assortment of spouses, exes and might-have-beens. Confronting their history and the frayed states of their relationships among the people who know and love them best, they ultimately reconnect in hysterical and emotionally affecting ways amid the chaos, humor, heartache and redemption that only families can provide- driving us insane even as they remind us of our truest, and often best, selves.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Al on the Rocks
When Peggy panics over Seven's sneezes, she begins piling up medical bills, forcing Al to take on a second job as a topless bartender.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
What I Did for Love
In an effort to renew her husband's romantic interest in her, Peg drags Al along to shop for some exciting lingerie, only to find Bud hitting on one of the store mannequins. After trying every trick in the book, Peg finally discovers food is the only way to arouse Al, but when she slaves away in the kitchen in exchange for a few romantic results, she refuses to do any more cooking.
TV-14
 

Friday, April 28

6:00 am
Married With Children
Frat Chance
Desperate for a date, Bud founds his own community college fraternity in his garage.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Chicago Wine Party, The
With the elections coming up, Al convinces his family to register and vote for the first time in an effort to stop a proposed tax on beer. When the tax increase passes, Al leads an angry protest to overturn the bill.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore
When Al can't afford to pay the bills, he convinces Kelly to get a job. Finding employment as a waitress at a burger joint, Kelly realizes why mother Peg has never worked a day in her life.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Rock of Ages
When Al wins a trip to Hawaii, he poses as an aging rock star to get into the first class lounge. Inside the airport lounge, he meets rock heroes. Mistaking him for a fellow rocker, the musicians convince Al to perform with them at a benefit.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Death of a Shoe Salesman
While shopping for a burial plot for the family, Al and Peg discover they don't have enough money, so they have to be buried in the same casket.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Old College Try
Bud's big plans to move into his college dorm are destroyed when Al and Peg manage to get their hands on his scholarship money and go on a shopping spree. Broke and dormless, Bud is forced back into the Bundy household.
TV-14
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Eddie Money
Doug tries to keep secret from Carrie $5,000 he won in a gambling pool.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Two Thirty
When Doug goes to Dr. Farber for a root canal, he finds out Carrie used have a major crush on the dentist.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Queasy Rider
Doug buys a motorcycle against Carrie's wishes; Carrie takes up smoking.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Female Problems
Carrie befriends a new neighbor; Doug feels left out.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Squirt's Honor
When Rallo joins Stoolbend's version of the Boy Scouts, he discovers he can make money selling candy bars for a fictitious charity; Cleveland and Donna win a vacation.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Grave Danger
Cleveland and his friends discover the joys of hanging out at a local cemetery; Rallo befriends neighborhood tough guys after making a trip to Robert's apartment in East Stoolbend.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Unincludeds, The
Steve and Snot alter their futures when they throw a party for the uncool kids. Meanwhile, Roger is disgruntled when a waitress doesn't compliment his order and Stan and Francine go on vacation in Bosnia.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Kiss Kiss, Cam Cam
Stan gets Francine baseball tickets for her birthday but is upset when they have a horrible kiss on the kiss cam. Steve and Roger head to Nevada to help clean polluted water.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Devil Wears a Lapel Pin, The
When Stan is given the task of putting together the CIA calendar, Hayley attempts to destroy it. Meanwhile, Roger gets a Discover card and fakes his death to get out of paying the enormous balance.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan-Dan Deliver
Roger becomes a teacher at Steve's school and gets involved with a class of underprivileged kids. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine visit a retirement home and Stan decides to stay.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Ocean's Three and a Half
After seven years of pregnancy, Bonnie gives birth to baby Susie, and Stewie immediately falls in love; but when Joe can't pay the massive hospital bill, Peter and the boys plan to rob Mr. Pewterschmidt.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Family Gay
To pay off a massive debt, Peter participates in a medical experiment, allowing himself to be injected with the "gay" gene; and this change in lifestyle leads him to find a new mate, leaving a broken-hearted Lois behind.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Princess Consuela, The
Rachel goes to a job interview at a restaurant and winds up sitting next to her current boss. Joey feels abandoned because Monica and Chandler are leaving.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Estelle Dies, The
Ross tries to win back Rachel's job with her former fashion employer. Phoebe tries to keep Joey from learning about his agent's death; Monica and Chandler make a horrifying discovery.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Going Away Party
One of the guys becomes offended when Rachel does not give him the same goodbye she gives the others.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One Part 1, The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
Last One Part 2, The
The six friends say goodbye and embark on the next chapters of their lives.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
Pilot
Six friends in their twenties pursue careers, love and happiness in New York City while relying on each other for support.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Pony Remark, The
Jerry thinks his off-the-cuff remark killed a woman.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Busboy, The
A busboy loses his job and his cat because of George.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Baby Shower, The
Kramer persuades Jerry to get illegal cable service; guest Christine Dunford.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Jacket, The
Jerry loves an expensive suede jacket until he buys it.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Young adventurer Sean receives a coded distress signal from a mysterious island where no island should exist--a place of strange life forms, mountains of gold, deadly volcanoes, and more than one astonishing secret. Unable to stop him from going, Sean's new stepfather joins the quest. Together with a helicopter pilot and his beautiful, strong-willed daughter, they set out to find the island, rescue its lone inhabitant and escape before seismic shock waves force the island under the sea and bury its treasures forever.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
ELeague Extra
11:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Interview, The
Dave Skylark and producer Aaron Rapoport run the celebrity tabloid show "Skylark Tonight." When they land an interview with a surprise fan, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, they are recruited by the CIA to turn their trip to Pyongyang into an assassination mission.
TV-14
1:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Liar, Liar
A pathologically lying lawyer desperately tries to grant his son's wish that he tell the truth for a 24-hour period.
TV-PG
3:30 am
New Girl
Sam, Again
Jess' application for a job at a new progressive school may be jeopardized after she learns the principal is dating her ex-boyfriend. Meanwhile, Nick takes ill so Schmidt quarantines the roommates to keep himself from getting sick before an important presentation.
TV-14
4:00 am
New Girl
300 Feet
Jess sets out to clear her name after she receives a restraining order from a former boyfriend; Nick and Schmidt plot against the owner of a new bar.
TV-14
4:30 am
New Girl
Jeff Day
Jess' plan to use a male alter ego to buy a new car from a sexist salesman backfires; Schmidt & Cece worry when Winston decides to bring his prankster girlfriend to their wedding.
TV-14
5:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Dog, The
Both Ray and Robert want to keep a stray bulldog.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Neighbors
The neighbors complain to Ray about Frank and Marie.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, April 29

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Fascinatin' Debra
When a radio psychologist visits, Debra feels dull compared to the other Barones.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Why Are We Here?
Debra and Ray reminisce about life in their old apartment.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Ray's on TV
Well-meaning advice makes Ray nervous on camera.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Christmas
Al does his yearly pre-Christmas inspection of the family and can find they've done nothing wrong, which means he has to buy them presents but he has to take a job as a Department Store Santa to pay for the gifts.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Wedding Show, The
As the Bundys prepare to attend their cousin Jimmy's wedding, everything begins to go wrong. Al can't find his suit, Peg can't get her makeup right, Kelly and the bridesmaids think they have on the wrong dresses and Bud gets caught with the bride.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Jack the Giant Slayer
When a princess is kidnapped, threatening the long-standing peace between humans and giants, a young farmer leads a rescue mission to the giants' kingdom.
TV-14
11:00 am
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Captain Jack Sparrow crosses paths with a woman from his past and is not sure if it's love or if she's a ruthless con artist using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard, Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn't know who to fear more: Blackbeard or the woman from his past.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Sonogram, The
Ross is stunned to learn his ex-wife is pregnant with their child. Monica's dinner for her overly critical parents is a disaster.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Thumb, The
The group loves Monica's new boyfriend; Chandler resumes smoking; and Phoebe receives a large sum of money unexpectedly.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with George Stephanopoulos, The
While the men attend a hockey game and end up at a hospital, the women spy on President Clinton's top aide, George Stephanopoulos, who lives across the street. Rachel receives her first paycheck.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the East German Laundry Detergent, The
While Phoebe and Chandler end their respective romantic relationships, Rachel and Ross do laundry together on their first date.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Butt, The
Joey gets a film role as a stand-in for Al Pacino's butt. Ross tries to be less conservative. Chandler has an affair with a married woman.
TV-14
4:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Broken Hip
Max and Caroline pay a high price for attempting to remove a street performer away from the entry to their cupcake shop.
TV-14
5:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And Not-So-Sweet Charity
In danger of losing their cupcake shop, Max and Caroline approach Caroline's rich but callous Aunt Charity for help.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Tenure Turbulence, The
Leonard, Sheldon and Raj fight for tenure at the University.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Closure Alternative, The
After one of his favorite TV shows gets canceled too soon, Sheldon feels lost, so Amy tries to help him get over his compulsive need for closure by retraining his brain.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Resurgence, The
Leonard and Sheldon hire Professor Proton (guest star BOB NEWHART), the host of their favorite childhood TV show to perform. Raj leaves his dog with Howard and Bernadette.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Love Spell Potential, The
When the girls' trip to Vegas falls through, the guys invite them to a Dungeons & Dragons date night that causes Sheldon and Amy's relationship to take an unexpected turn.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Bon Voyage Reaction, The
On the sixth season finale, Sheldon and Penny are thrown for a loop when Leonard is offered an exciting new job opportunity overseas.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hofstadter Insufficiency, The
Leonard is away at sea, so Sheldon & Penny spend some time together and spill some revealing secrets. Meanwhile, Howard comes to Raj's aid after his breakup with his girlfriend.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Deception Verification, The
Leonard returns from the North Sea expedition and finds things chilly between him and Sheldon, while Howard's relationship with his mother opens the door to questions about his masculinity.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Scavenger Vortex, The
Raj puts together a scavenger hunt that turns into serious, cutthroat competition among the gang.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Raiders Minimization, The
Sheldon is fit to be tied when Amy ruins one of his favorite adventure films, while Leonard finds the key to getting Penny to do his bidding, and Raj & Stuart get creative with their online-dating profiles.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
NOT the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Full Frontal presents the "NOT The White House Correspondents' Dinner" to celebrate the free press, while there's still a free press to celebrate.
TV-MA
11:15 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
NOT the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Full Frontal presents the "NOT The White House Correspondents' Dinner" to celebrate the free press, while there's still a free press to celebrate.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
February 8, 2017
Full Frontal takes a trip across the pond before Trump decides to drain that too.
TV-MA
1:00 am
The Detour
Mule, The
Robin and Nate live out their (mostly Nate's) action movie fantasies as they make their way to the kids, who are actually doing just fine without them.
TV-MA
1:29 am
The Detour
Ass, The
The family is reunited, but this time it's Robin who makes a huge mistake.
TV-MA
2:01 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Brockman Turner Overdrive
When a beloved college badminton star is the suspect of a hit-and-run, everyone turns a blind eye, because, as we all know, L.A.'s a badminton city. But not Tribeca and Geils, who find "fault" with the case and won't "let" it go.
TV-14
2:31 am
Movie
McFarland, USA
A struggling coach and teacher who has had to move around for different incidents in his career finally comes to one of the poorest cities in America: McFarland, California. There he discovers buried potential in several high school boys and slowly turns them into championship runners and brings them closer than even he could ever imagine.
TV-PG
5:15 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
5:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Father Knows Least
When a radio psychologist visits, Debra feels dull compared to the other Barones.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, April 30

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Brother
Ray's brotherly gesture works a little too well.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Golf
Debra vows to get even after Ray gets laughs at her expense.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Mrs. Bing, The
Chandler's flamboyant mother comes to New York for a visit. Phoebe and Monica cause a traffic accident.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Dozen Lasagnas, The
Rachel's Italian boyfriend tries to seduce Phoebe. Rachel accidentally reveals a secret to Ross. Monica's aunt refuses to take the lasagnas she ordered from Monica.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Boobies, The
Chandler sees Rachel nude. Joey learns his father is having an affair.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Stoned Guy, The
A restaurant owner interviews Monica for a chef's position. Ross asks Joey how to talk dirty to women.
TV-14
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Two Parts Part 1, The
Phoebe's twin sister causes confusion and conflict. Ross attends childbirth classes with his ex-wife and her girlfriend.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Two Parts Part 2, The
Rachel and Monica squabble over two handsome doctors. Ross ponders his impending fatherhood with his own father.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with All the Poker, The
The women lose money in a poker game with the men. After getting advice from a champion card player, they demand a rematch.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where the Monkey Gets Away, The
Rachel accidentally lets Ross' pet monkey escape, and the friends form a search party. Rachel learns that her former best friend is engaged to marry Rachel's former fiance.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Movie
Divergent
In a future world, people are segregated into different factions based on their personalities. Tris Prior is categorized as Divergent and warned she will never fit into one of these groups. When Tris learns of a conspiracy to destroy all Divergents, she has to find out why being in that classification is so dangerous before it's too late.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hunger Games, The
Every year in the ruins of what was once North America, the nation of Panem forces each of its twelve districts to send a teenage boy and girl to compete in the Hunger Games. Part twisted entertainment, part government intimidation tactic, the Hunger Games are a nationally televised event in which "Tributes" must fight with one another until one survivor remains. Pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives, Katniss is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy. If she's ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The
After arriving safely home from their unprecedented victory in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Katniss and Peeta discover they must do a quick turnaround and begin a Victors Tour.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Workplace Proximity, The
Amy takes a job at Sheldon's university, putting their relationship to the test.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Romance Resonance, The
Sheldon makes a major scientific breakthrough, but he feels it may haunt him for the rest of career. Meanwhile, Howard makes a grand romantic gesture to Bernadette, which causes Penny to put more effort into her relationship with Leonard.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Displacement, The
When Sheldon's childhood hero, Professor Proton, seeks Leonard's help with an experiment, the slighted Sheldon goes nuclear and decides to get revenge by befriending another TV science guy.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Itchy Brain Simulation, The
Leonard fails to stop Sheldon from overreacting after a past slight comes to light, and as punishment Leonard must walk a mile in Sheldon's shoes. Meanwhile, Penny has a run-in with Raj's former girlfriend Lucy.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The
After arriving safely home from their unprecedented victory in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Katniss and Peeta discover they must do a quick turnaround and begin a Victors Tour.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Hunger Games, The
Every year in the ruins of what was once North America, the nation of Panem forces each of its twelve districts to send a teenage boy and girl to compete in the Hunger Games. Part twisted entertainment, part government intimidation tactic, the Hunger Games are a nationally televised event in which "Tributes" must fight with one another until one survivor remains. Pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives, Katniss is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy. If she's ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.
TV-14
4:00 am
New Girl
Wedding Eve
'Twas the night before the wedding, and Nick and Winston help out on Schmidt's rewrite of his vows, while Jess, who suspects Sam will propose to her, gets the gang to play a game of True American to avoid having to answer him.
TV-14
4:30 am
New Girl
Landing Gear
In the Season 5 finale, Schmidt's last ditch effort to convince Cece's mother to attend the wedding leads to complications that might result in him missing the big day.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This
Al takes a fishing trip alone only to have Peg and Marcy show up and spoil his vacation.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Heels on Wheels
Kelly buys a motorcycle to put some fun back into her life but disaster strikes when Al decides to take the bike out for a spin.
TV-PG
 

Monday, May 1

6:00 am
Married With Children
Mr. Empty Pants
Peggy's unflattering cartoon makes Al a reluctant celebrity.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
You Can't Miss
Fed up with his non-existent social life, Bud decides to go on a dating game for nerds. Everyone is surprised when the beautiful Candy chooses Bud for his date. Although the two don't hit it off, Bud is certain that Candy will choose him on next week's show to accompany her on a dream date to Bermuda. Bud is disappointed when she chooses the show's handsome Latin Lover, and returns to find, much to his surprise, a host of available and willing women waiting for him.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Peggy and the Pirates
Peg whips out a trashy romance novel to try to help Seven fall asleep and, imagining herself as the beautiful Princess Scarlett, tells of being kidnapped by Captain Courage, who bears striking resemblance to Al. When Paco, her supposed savior, develops an interest in the androgynous Cabin Boy-Girl, Scarlett turns to Captain Courage, promising to be a loyal servant who will work to feed and clothe him.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Go for the Old
At first depressed when a theater cashier mistakes him for a senior citizen, Al reconsiders and sees the benefits to getting a senior citizen discount card. Al enters the Chicago Area Senior Athletic Championships much to the embarrassment of his family. Placing fifteenth at the end of the first day's events, Al becomes inspired by the memory of his high school football career. He struggles into second place and after debating whether or not it would be fair to steal the title from an old guy, he catches a glimpse of the trophy and snatches the victory for himself.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Evil Orthodontist, The
Rachel reunites with her duplicitous ex-fiance. Chandler agonizes about a woman who doesn't call him after the first date.
TV-14
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Fake Monica, The
Monica meets a woman who helps her live out her fantasies. Ross' pet monkey becomes sexually mature and makes everyone crazy.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ick Factor, The
Monica finds out more than she wants to know about her latest love. Chandler's friends at work treat him differently since his promotion. Ross' ex-wife begins giving birth.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Birth, The
When Carol gives birth, Ross and Susan almost miss the event. Joey befriends an unmarried pregnant woman.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Rachel Finds Out, The
Rachel finds out about Ross' secret love for her but another surprise awaits her.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's New Girlfriend, The
Rachel gets an unpleasant surprise when Ross returns home. Phoebe has varied success cutting the friends' hair.
TV-14
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Breast Milk, The
Phoebe unwittingly disgusts everybody. Joey competes with a fellow salesman.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Heckles Dies, The
The downstairs neighbor dies and bequeaths his strange possessions to Monica and Rachel.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Of Lice And Men
Rallo is forced to have his head shaved after he contracts lice; Cleveland housesits for Freight Train and Cookie.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Mr. and Mrs. Brown
Cleveland and Cookie get mistaken for a married couple; after he gets caught stealing a candy bar, Rallo pins the theft on Junior.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Anchorfran
Francine sets out to help news anchor Greg when he and Terry split up. Roger becomes obsessed with a fictional boy from an old game called Dream Phone.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Two Hundred, The
Stan, tattooed and haunted, travels a barren Langley Falls alone. Meanwhile, a mysterious element known as The Two Hundred has reigned terror on the town and separated Stan from his family.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad
Unincludeds, The
Steve and Snot alter their futures when they throw a party for the uncool kids. Meanwhile, Roger is disgruntled when a waitress doesn't compliment his order and Stan and Francine go on vacation in Bosnia.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Dentist's Wife, The
Roger loses his identity after becoming fascinated by a local dentist's wife. Meanwhile, Klaus throws a party when Stan and the kids are unable to move from being sore after working out.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Ear-sy Rider
A biker gang hangs out at Bob's Burgers as they mourn the loss of their beloved leader "Horny Dave." Meanwhile, Louise has an identity crisis when her bunny ears are stolen and everyone - including the biker gang - rallies around her.
TV-14
3:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Full Bars
The Belcher kids break their Halloween tradition by ditching their usual trick-or-treating route and venturing off to Kingshead Island, a posh neighborhood that is known for distributing full-sized candy bars. Meanwhile, Bob and Linda attend Teddy's annual "Black and Orange" party.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Bob Fires the Kids
Bob worries he's depriving his children of their summer vacation by making them work at the restaurant so he fires them. However, the kids become so bored with their newfound freedom they secretly get hired by a pair of married hippie farmers, who hire the Belcher kids as weed pickers. Meanwhile, Bob hires Mickey the bank robber to help out at the restaurant but soon regrets his decision.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Mutiny on the Windbreaker
When Bob is invited to be a private chef on a docked cruise ship, he brings the family along to witness his skills outside of the restaurant. However, Bob's big day goes awry when the ship departs with the Belchers on board, and there is no one tending to the restaurant.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal, An
Bob's favorite holiday of all time, and this year he is determined to make it the most memorable Thanksgiving ever. However, the plans change when Mr. Fischoeder needs to hire Bob as his chef, and Linda and the kids as his family to stage the perfect Thanksgiving dinner and make a former flame jealous.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Save the Clam
Peter and his friends attempt to save The Drunken Clam bar from being demolished; Meg takes a job as an undertaker's assistant.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Farmer Guy
When a crime spree sweeps through Quahog, the Griffins move to the safety of a farm, where they're forced to open a meth lab to make ends meet.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
No Country Club for Old Men
A wealthy girl invites Chris and his family to spend time at the prestigious Barrington Country Club, but complications ensue when Carter gets kicked out of the club.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Roads to Vegas
Brian and Stewie go to Vegas, but chaos erupts when a glitch in Stewie's new teleportation machine creates a duplicate Brian and Stewie.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Finders Keepers
After Peter finally goes to the dentist to take care of his bad breath, the Griffins celebrate with a family dinner at The Founding Father Restaurant. The waiter notices Stewie coloring in his placemat, and explains that it's actually a reprinted treasure map.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Vestigial Peter
Fed up with Peter┐s old, tattered, shirt, Lois takes him to the mall to buy a new outfit for church. When Peter struggles with the top button, they notice a large lump on his neck. Alarmed, they rush to the hospital where Dr. Hartman guesses that it┐s an incomplete vestigial twin.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Quagmire's Quagmire
Quagmire purchases a new laptop, which promptly gets infected by viruses from all of the dirty websites he visits. When he takes it in to be fixed, the technician, Sonja, is unfazed by his browser history and actually recommends alternate sites. Impressed, Quagmire asks her out on a date.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fistful of Meg, A
A new kid arrives at James Woods High and quickly earns the nickname "Mental Mike" for his aggressive and violent reputation.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Boopa-Dee Bappa Dee
The Quahog 5 News reports an ongoing price war between airlines has led to extremely reduced fares. Lois takes advantage of the situation and purchases tickets to Italy for the family.
TV-14
10:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Casino Normale
Francine steals from the CIA and pretends to be a sexy supervillain to incite Stan to be more seductive. Roger tricks Hayley and Steve into trapping Jay Leno so he can take revenge on him.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Turn Me On, Geils
A brilliant robotics specialist is found dead in his lab. No one knows who killed him, which makes Tribeca's job a lot harder. The only one who can offer any insight into the case is the victim's magnetic assistant, who takes a liking to Geils.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71029
Guests: Kevin Nealon, Chuck Todd, The Zombies
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Turn Me On, Geils
A brilliant robotics specialist is found dead in his lab. No one knows who killed him, which makes Tribeca's job a lot harder. The only one who can offer any insight into the case is the victim's magnetic assistant, who takes a liking to Geils.
TV-14
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71029
Guests: Kevin Nealon, Chuck Todd, The Zombies
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Chinese Restaurant, The
Jerry, Elaine and George need reservations at a Chinese restaurant.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Temporary Distraction
When the girls take office temp jobs, Caroline tries to climb the corporate ladder and Max finds herself being hit on by the boss.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Big Hole
After Han fires Caroline for insulting his diner, Max tries to coax Caroline into apologizing.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Captain Jack Sparrow crosses paths with a woman from his past and is not sure if it's love or if she's a ruthless con artist using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard, Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn't know who to fear more: Blackbeard or the woman from his past.
TV-14
 

Tuesday, May 2

6:00 am
Married With Children
Un-Alful Entry
When Al renders a burglar unconscious, he is dubbed a local hero for bravely defending his home. Trying to capitalize on his fame, Al proposes selling advertising space on his clothing. All plans are destroyed however, when he is notified the burglar is suing him for $50,000. Finally, with nothing left to lose, Al hits the burglar again hoping to reverse his losses by suing him for damage to his hand.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Movie Show
When the Bundy family is reminded that Kelly's birthday is coming up, Al seizes the opportunity to appear generous by offering to take her to the movies after Kelly's boyfriend, Frank, has already invited her out. Certain that Kelly would refuse, the Bundys are surprised when she cancels her date with Frank to join them. As they are settling into their seats at the theater, Kelly is shocked to find Frank out with another girl. Kelly confronts Frank about his unfaithfulness then sends Al over to beat him up.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
'Til Death Do Us Part
Peg's complaints about Al's lovemaking to the girls at the beauty parlor makes him the laughing stock of the town. Trying to pull him out of his depression, Peg spreads rumors that she was ravished by him. Despite her efforts, Al still feels inadequate until he has some old flames confirm his sexual prowess. Convinced that he was once a real stud, he works his way back into shape and finally impresses Peg with his revitalized sexual vigor.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Tis Time to Smell the Roses
Convinced by Peg and the kids to take the $12,000 offered by his company for early retirement, Al is forced to take another job as a trainee at Homeplate Athletic Shoes when they start spending the nest egg at a rate that is sure to leave them broke. Al learns that three of his coworkers are planning to buy the store but, hoping to join them in the purchase, he misses out when Peg fails to wake him on time. Finally, Al decides to spend his last $6000 on the lottery, only to find that his coworkers are the big winners.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Old Insurance Dodge
Upon reporting that the family's dilapidated 1974 Dodge has been stolen, Al is furious to find out that the insurance will only give him $50 for the car, so he decides to add a few priceless items to the list of things that were in the missing car's trunk. When the police show up and announce that they have found the old Dodge, Al insists that he is happier with his old car back, than he would be with the multi-million dollar settlement.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Wedding Repercussions
Jimmy, the Bundy's cousin, is intent on killing the man who slept with his wife on their wedding day. Bud is worried that he will be identified as the culprit and is relieved when Jimmy enlists him to help find the guilty party. When Jimmy suspects Jefferson, Bud realizes he must admit his wrongdoing, only to find out that Jimmy is no longer interested, having found a new woman, Dee Anna. All is fine until Dee Anna tries to seduce Bud behind Jimmy's back.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Assaulted Nuts
After Doug convinces Carrie he doesn't goof around at work, horseplay gets him into a painful and embarrassing predicament.
TV-14
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Parent Trapped
Deacon and Kelly ask Doug and Carrie to be the godparents of their new baby; Arthur is put in charge of the pretzel stand.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Dire Strayts
Doug and Carrie invite Ray and Debra Barone (``Everybody Loves Raymond'') to dinner; Doug gets stuck in the attic.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Doug Out
Feeling guilty, Doug invites Arthur to a Mets game; Doug gets arrested trying to catch a foul ball.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Crazy Train
When Freight Train begins treating Cleveland with respect, Donna concludes there's only one cause: a mental breakdown; Junior and Rallo make off with a cherry-picker.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Wheel! Of! Family!
An exhausted Cleveland and Donna ask relatives for help when Junior, Roberta and Rallo run them ragged; Robert and Dee Dee adopt a baby; Junior takes a pole dancing class.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Widow's Pique
When Stan is on a mission, Francine pretends she's a widow. Steve and his friends play wrestling and get beat up by Principal Lewis.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Nova Centauris-burgh Board of Tourism Presents: American Dad, The
Francine joins in on Steve and his pals' live-action role-playing game. Stan opens a knock-off Seaworld in the house.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Daesong Heavy Industries
Stan loses his faith in religion after Steve questions everything in the Bible. He takes the family to Korea to investigate the rumors of a reinvented "Noah's Ark."
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Daesong Heavy Industries II: Return to Innocence
Everyone is separated after the ship explodes: Stan and Francine lose their memories and resort to primitive living on an island, Hayley and Jeff are rescued by the Navy and Jeff decides to enlist, and Roger and Steve try to survive on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Juice is Loose, The
Peter cashes in a raffle ticket, and wins a golf outing with O.J. Simpson; but when he brings home the infamous former running back, the residents of Quahog are not so welcoming to the new houseguest.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fox-y Lady
Lois gets a job working for FOX News and has to do a report on a liberal filmmaker. However, she loses the job when her story implicates a conservative radio host.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Husband, The
Everyone is surprised when Phoebe's husband shows up.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant, The
The friends want to give Ross a birthday party but disagree about money. Monica gets promoted and learns a tough lesson.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Baby on the Bus, The
Matt and Chandler try to attract women with baby Ben. Phoebe gets terminated from her singing job and replaced by a professional, Stephanie.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross Finds Out, The
Dramatic developments occur in Ross and Rachel's relationship. Chandler regrets asking Monica to help him lose weight.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Russ, The
Joey gets a great acting opportunity. Rachel dates a guy who is amazingly similar to Ross.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Lesbian Wedding, The
Carol and Susan prepare for their wedding with some help from an uncomfortable Ross.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Phone Message, The
George regrets a nasty message he put on a date's answering machine.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Apartment, The
Jerry regrets encouraging Elaine to move into his building.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Stranded, The
Waiting for a ride, Jerry and Elaine keep a party's host up late.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Statue, The
Jerry thinks a friend stole his statue, but doesn't know how to get it back.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Thanksgiving Decoupling, The
Howard's mother has a say when he and Bernadette host Thanksgiving dinner for the gang.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Discovery Dissipation, The
When Sheldon's accidental scientific discovery is disproved, Amy and Leonard try to help him deal with the shame and the disappointment. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette open their home to Raj for a week.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Cooper Extraction, The
With Sheldon in Texas, the gang gathers to decorate for Christmas, and they contemplate if each would have had a wonderful life had they never met him.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hesitation Ramification, The
Penny turns to Leonard for comfort after her guest appearance on NCIS does not turn out well. She ends up putting Leonard on the spot regarding their relationship. Sheldon works on his sense of humor and Raj practices talking to girls.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Occupation Recalibration, The
There's impactful news on the work front as Penny makes a big step toward pursuing a full-time acting career, and Sheldon is forced to take a vacation.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Convention Conundrum, The
Unable to score tickets for Comic-Con, Sheldon decides to stage his own comic-book convention, while the ladies attempt to act like grown ups.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71030
Guests: Kristin Chenoweth, Jonathan Banks, Highasakite
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Heart Attack, The
George thinks he's having a heart attack.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71030
Guests: Kristin Chenoweth, Jonathan Banks, Highasakite
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Revenge, The
George seeks revenge on his ex-boss for not rehiring him.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Worst Selfie Ever
Caroline panics when she develops a rash after a night with her ex-boyfriend, Andy.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Extra Work
Max and Caroline are invited to be extras on a popular TV show shooting a scene in Han's diner, but when Caroline catches the director's eye, he offers her an actual role with strings attached.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Wild Wild West
Special government agent James West and his co-hort Artemus Gordon, team up to thwart the diabolical Dr Arliss Loveless who is plotting to assassinate the President of the United States with the aid of a huge, walking weapon-transport vehicle called "The Tarantula."
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Proposition, The
When Coco, a cosmetic millionairess and former girlfriend of Al's, arrives she makes an indecent proposal by offering Peggy $500,000 for one night with Al. Though both Peg and Al have reservations about the proposal, they agree to do it for the children. However, after actually seeing Al in bed with Coco, Peggy reneges on the deal and returns Coco's check.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Tisket, a Tasket, Can Peg Make a Basket?, A
Al and Peggy go to a basketball game, and they switch seats. Soon, Peg is called up for a free throw, which Al feels should have been his since it was his seat in the first place. It's up to Peggy to make the free throw and win the $10,000.
TV-PG
 

Wednesday, May 3

6:00 am
Married With Children
Hood 'n the Boyz
Al meets his girlfriend from when he was young, and a gang seems to be bothering her. Al feels he should help her with the problem.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Proud to Be Your Bud?
Bud's latest attempts to impress women fail miserably, causing him such embarrassment that he confines himself to the basement. But when his cool alter ego appears, Bud learns the secrets of gaining adoration.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Luck of the Bundys
Peg checks Al's horoscope and insists he's due for a stroke of good luck. But when good things actually start happening, Al gets a shrinking feeling that his luck won't last.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Banking on Marcy
When Marcy's superiors at the bank ask her to deliver bad news at a shareholder's meeting, she calls a radio therapist who suggests she focus on sex to overcome her fear of speaking in public, advice that leads to disastrous results.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
No Chicken, No Check
Al quits lending his car to Kelly and Bud, who take matters into their own hands and purchase one to share. But when both make plans for the drive-in, they are forced to double date, with each trying to get the other out of the car.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Take My Wife, Please
On Halloween, Al is left to face Death as Peggy and the kids are recruited to fill in for the Village People.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Tube Stakes
Doug's big screen television is stolen when Carrie accidentally leaves the garage door open.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Get Away
On a weekend trip, Doug and Carrie discover that Deacon and Kelly have a much more active sex life.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Roamin' Holiday
Doug invites Spence to move in as part of a plan to keep Carrie's annoying friends from spending a weekend.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
I, Candy
Doug's self-esteem gets a boost when a waitress flirts with him.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Pilot
Cleveland and his overweight 14-year-old son say goodbye to Quahog and set out for California. Along the way, Cleveland stops in his old hometown, where he eventually marries former classmate Donna Tubbs.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance
Cleveland asks Roberta to accompany him to a daddy/daughter dance at school, but his hopes of establishing a bond are torpedoed after he accidentally runs over the family's dog.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad
Criss-Cross Applesauce: The Ballad of Billy Jesusworth
When Roger breaks his ankle, Francine convinces Stan to let him play in his basketball league. Meanwhile, Steve sings a song that parodies R. Kelley's "Trapped in the Closet."
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Mine Struggle
When Stan discovers a salt mine in the backyard, the Morton Salt Company wants to buy it. It turns out Steve is the rightful owner of the land and he faces pressure from the family to sell.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad
Garfield and Friends
Stan brings President Garfield back to life in order to teach Hayley about history. Steve writes for the school newspaper.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Gift Me Liberty
When Bullock is upset that somebody did not bring a gift to the CIA Secret Santa party, Stan goes on a mission to find out who it was. Meanwhile, Steve poses as the good guy boyfriend of several female classmates.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Not All Dogs Go to Heaven
After a frustrating day at the annual Quahog Star Trek convention, Stewie builds a transporter and beams the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation into his room for a fun-filled day in Quahog.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Episode 420
When Brian gets busted for possession of marijuana, he starts a campaign to legalize the drug. Mayor West passes the law, which turns the townspeople into a bunch of potheads.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Old Yeller Dies, The
Monica's boyfriend impresses Chandler and Joey. Phoebe finds out what she missed as a child.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl Part 1, The
Ross searches for his former pet monkey. Joey dates an obsessed fan.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One After the Super Bowl Part 2, The
Ross spends some quality time with Marcel, his former pet monkey. Chandler gets a big surprise from a sexy former classmate.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Prom Video, The
Monica's old home video shows Ross' true feelings for Rachel. Joey gives a gaudy gift to Chandler.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know, The
Ross and Rachel encounter obstacles to romance. Monica becomes enamored with a handsome, older doctor.
TV-14
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Joey Moves Out, The
Monica's parents find out about her middle-aged boyfriend. Chandler and Joey argue and it could mean the end of their living arrangement.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Deal, The
Jerry and Elaine mull intimacy but without commitment.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Chaperone, The
Kramer chaperons Jerry's date with a beauty contestant; guest Ian Abercrombie.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Big Salad, The
Kramer helps an athlete wanted for a brutal crime flee police; guest Michelle Forbes.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Locomotive Manipulation, The
Amy has amour on her mind when she talks Sheldon into a romantic Valentine's Day getaway to Napa Valley wine country. Back at home, Leonard and Penny make an emergency visit to the vet with Raj's dog.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Table Polarization, The
Leonard's purchase of a dining-room table for the apartment doesn't sit well with Sheldon, so much so that it forces him to reevaluate his life. Meanwhile, Bernadette isn't quite over the moon about Howard taking another trip to space.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Friendship Turbulence, The
Things turn rocky between Sheldon and Wolowitz after a barrage of insults, and Bernadette steps in to mediate a peace. Meanwhile, Penny is offered a movie role that may prove embarrassing.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Mommy Observation, The
While Sheldon and Howard continue their bonding holiday to Houston Texas, Sheldon's surprise visit to see his mommy forces him to start addressing a new reality. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang are subjected to a surprise Koothrappali Murder Mystery party that leads the gang to speculate where they might all be 20 years from now.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Indecision Amalgamation, The
Raj wrestles with dating two women at the same time; Penny is offered a part in a trashy movie; and Sheldon can't decide between two gaming systems.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
NOT the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Full Frontal presents the "NOT The White House Correspondents' Dinner" to celebrate the free press, while there's still a free press to celebrate.
TV-MA
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71031
Guests: Kurt Russell, Ron Funches, Chicano Batman
TV-14
12:00 am
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
January 25, 2017
Full Frontal visits the nation's capital to see a live taping of America's finale.
TV-MA
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71031
Guests: Kurt Russell, Ron Funches, Chicano Batman
TV-14
1:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Pilot
The mayor is being blackmailed and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Angie Tribeca is assigned a new partner, Jay Geils, to find the blackmailer and bring him to justice. The only problem Tribeca works alone.
TV-14
2:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Wedding Planner Did It, The
A baker's been murdered and the lieutenant is just sick about it. Tribeca must track down the murderer before any other people get murdered by that murderer. The only problem She doesn't know who did it.
TV-14
2:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Famous Ventriloquist Did It, The
A ventriloquist is dead and the lieutenant is just sick about it. On the case, Tribeca delves into the salacious world of American ventriloquism. The only problem Geils always wanted to be a ventriloquist, which may not sound like a problem but is.
TV-PG
3:00 am
Angie Tribeca
Thumb Affair, The
A priceless work of art is missing and the lieutenant is extremely sick. Tribeca and Geils search and high and low and in the middle to recover the stolen painting. The only problems The demons in Tribeca's past and the lieutenant's lingering illness.
TV-14
3:30 am
Angie Tribeca
Commissioner Bigfish
Tribeca and Geils are poking around into a prostitution ring and the lieutenant is just sick, mostly about it. Afraid of what they might uncover, he orders them to stop. The only problem "Stop" isn't a word in Angie Tribeca's vocabulary.
TV-14
4:00 am
Married With Children
Scared Single
Al tries to counsel a new employee against marriage.
TV-PG
4:30 am
Married With Children
No Ma'am
The women take over the bowling alley and the nudie bar. Al and his group are furious and create the No Ma'am group and soon hack into the television.
TV-PG
5:00 am
Married With Children
Dances with Weezy
Al and Jefferson avoid a theater event in order to go to a sports bar.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Change for a Buck
Feeling disenchanted and ignored, Buck runs away.
TV-PG
 

Thursday, May 4

6:00 am
Married With Children
Little off the Top, A
Al is accidentally circumcised.
TV-PG
6:30 am
TBS Network Preview
Episode 1
A backstage peek at TBS's original programs.
6:40 am
Special Presentation
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Sci-fi adventure which takes place before the birth of Luke Skywalker, featuring the friendship between the young Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, who would later become Darth Vader. The galactic government has been weakened, and when the peaceful planet of Naboo is threatened by the giant Trade Federation, it seems that nobody will step in to defend Queen Amidala and her people. Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi are sent to find a settlement and discover the extent of the planet's peril. In the course of their adventures, they find a young slave, Anakin, whom Qui-Gon senses is destined to bring balance to the Force. Against Obi-Wan's suspicions, he decides to train Anakin as a Jedi Knight.
TV-PG
9:26 am
Special Presentation
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
Set ten years after the events of "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace", not only has the galaxy undergone significant change, but so have our familiar heroes Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padme Amidala, and Anakin Skywalker, as they are thrown together again for the first time since the Trade Federation invasion of Naboo. Anakin has grown into the accomplished Jedi apprentice of Obi-Wan, who himself has transitioned from student to teacher. The two Jedi are assigned to protect Padme whose life is threatened by a faction of political separatists. As relationships form and powerful forces collide, these heroes face choices that will impact not only their own fates, but the destiny of the Republic.
TV-PG
12:20 pm
Special Presentation
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
The galaxy is weary after three long years of war. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi have become legendary heroes in their campaigns against the droid forces of the evil General Grievous. Anakin and his secret wife, Padme Amidala, have been separated for months, and he finally reunites with her to learn that she is pregnant. He is plagued by visions of her dying in childbirth, haunting images of a possible future. Anakin is determined to stop her from dying--no matter the cost. This leads Anakin down a dark path to commit terrible deeds. Obi-Wan Kenobi must face his former apprentice in a ferocious lightsaber duel on the fiery world of Mustafar.
TV-14
3:12 pm
Special Presentation (DVS)
Star Wars: A New Hope
In a distant galaxy, a long time ago, young Luke Skywalker assembles his motley crew of allies including space rogue Han Solo and two "droids" -- C3PO and R2D2 -- to rescue Princess Leia, the rebel leader of her planet from the clutches of the evil Empire as embodied by its enforcer Darth Vader.
TV-PG
5:43 pm
Special Presentation
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Luke Skywalker and his loyal band team up to do battle with Empire's forces who decide to enact revenge. Yet, Luke is empowered by the Jedi master Yoda in learning to master the "Force", something he will need when he meets Darth Vader in a startling confrontation.
TV-PG
8:17 pm
Special Presentation (DVS)
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Lando Calrissian and their small army of friends rescue Han Solo from the clutches of the menacingly ugly Jabba the Hutt and go on to do battle with the Empire, even after Darth Vader has broken off in his own rebellion.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71032
Guests: Alec Baldwin, Al Madrigal, Joe List
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Pledge Drive, The
Jerry cashes old birthday checks from his grandmother.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71032
Guests: Alec Baldwin, Al Madrigal, Joe List
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Chinese Woman, The
George's crossed phone lines acquaint the gang with a woman who isn't what she seems.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Tip Slip
Caroline's father, Martin Channing, asks Caroline to go on a talk show to defend him when a former employee threatens to defame him in a tell-all book.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Window of Opportunity
When Max and Caroline offer to deep-clean a previously hidden part of the diner, they discover something that could re-launch their cupcake business.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Lando Calrissian and their small army of friends rescue Han Solo from the clutches of the menacingly ugly Jabba the Hutt and go on to do battle with the Empire, even after Darth Vader has broken off in his own rebellion.
TV-PG
 

Friday, May 5

6:00 am
Married With Children
Worst Noel, The
On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Honey, I Blew Up Myself
Peggy's birthday gift for Al causes quite a stir at the mall.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Sofa So Good
Al and Peggy go away for awhile, and Kelly has her boyfriend over, who happens to ruin the couch. Bud and Kelly have to replace it before Al and Peggy come back.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
How Green Was My Apple
The Bundy's and the D'Arcys go to war over a property line dispute.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Get Outta Dodge
When Al's old Dodge approaches the one million mark, the manufacturer offers to highlight it in a commercial in exchange for a brand new sports car.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Valentine's Day Massacre
When Bud discovers a long-lost Valentine's card a girlfriend had sent him a year ago, he goes on a mission to find his lost love.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Sparing Carrie
Doug's bowling team must win a match or else fire Carrie.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Net Prophets
Carrie insists on using her Christmas bonus to invest in Internet stock.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Block Buster
Doug's memories of his glory days as a football player don't match those of his old teammates.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Frozen Pop
Arthur moves into the upstairs bedroom when cold weather forces him out of the basement.
TV-PG
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
One About Friends, The
Cleveland tries to pair up Cleveland Jr. with Lester's son, Ernie, but things backfire when Child Services puts Ernie in a foster home; Tim and Holt take a trip to Las Vegas.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
Birth of a Salesman
Tim helps Cleveland find a position at the cable television company where he works, only to grow jealous when Cleveland excels at his job.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Next of Pin
Stan and Steve start bowling together to have more quality time and Steve gets discovered for his bowling talent. Klaus holds a contest to test whether Roger or Hayley have the worse attention span.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Standard Deviation
In order to avoid being sent on a suicide mission, Stan learns how to become a DJ to beat Bullock in a DJ Battle. Jeff takes up drinking psychedelic teas and Roger helps him build an imaginary musical instrument.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Father's Daze
The Smith family forgets to celebrate Father's Day, and so to make it up to Stan, they plan out the perfect day. Stan uses a CIA device to erase their memories and have them continually plan perfect days for him.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Fight and Flight
Stan goes over-the-top to produce a reenactment of Charles Lindbergh's solo flight for Steve's school project after he gets an F. Klaus buys a pair of shoes online and Hayley helps him harass the neighbor they believe has stolen them.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Stew-roids
After Stewie gets beaten up by Joe's infant daughter, Peter injects Stewie with steroids; Chris's popularity at school soars when he begins dating Connie.
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
We Love You, Conrad
Brian is devastated to learn that his ex-girlfriend Jillian is getting married until he meets The Hills star Lauren Conrad. Though Brian begins to think he and Conrad are the perfect match, he finds his heart may still belong to Jillian.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Princess Leia Fantasy, The
Ross' secret fantasy doesn't stay secret for long after he confides in Rachel. Chandler resumes an old relationship.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where No One's Ready, The
Ross becomes frantic trying to get everyone ready to leave to hear his speech at the museum.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Jam, The
Monica wants to have a baby. A man is stalking Phoebe.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Metaphorical Tunnel, The
Chandler wants to commit to a relationship with Janice. Phoebe poses as Joey's agent.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Frank Jr., The
Phoebe tries to be more friendly with her half-brother. Ross meets Isabella Rossellini.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Flashback, The
The friends recall secrets from their pasts.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Couch, The
Elaine dates the guy who delivered Jerry's new couch.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Gymnast, The
Elaine must substitute for her boss in a merger deal; a girlfriend's mom sees George eating out of the trash; guest Maurice Godin.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Mom & Pop Store, The
George buys a convertible the salesman claims once belonged to Jon Voight.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Soup, The
Jerry regrets accepting a designer suit from an obnoxious comedian (Stephen Hytner).
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Seinfeld
Secretary, The
A new secretary's efficiency arouses George; Jerry spots a dry cleaner wearing his clothes.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Seinfeld
Switch, The
Kramer's mom (Sheree North) reveals her son's name to George; guest Terry Sweeney.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Conan Special
Conan Without Borders: Made in Mexico
With all of the negative news about the current state of the U.S.-Mexico relationship, Conan has decided to strike a positive note by heading to Mexico City, where he'll outsource his show by shooting his latest "CONAN Without Borders" special with the help of an all-Mexican staff, crew, guests and studio audience.
TV-14
10:00 pm
ELEAGUE
Street Fighter V - Group C
The $250,000 Street Fighter V Invitational: Group C Playoffs.
12:00 am
Movie
Heartbreak Kid, The
After years of bachelorhood and ample pressure from his father, Doc, and best friend Mac, Eddie Cantrow starts to wonder if he is being too picky about the women he meets. So when a chance encounter with an alluring blonde named Lila leads to a sweet romance, Eddie impulsively proposes. But right after the wedding, as the newlyweds get to know each other on the drive down the California coast, Eddie begins to realize he''s made a terrible mistake. Soon after reaching their exotic Mexican hideaway, he falls for the down-to-earth Miranda, who has no clue he''s on his honeymoon. Now Eddie has to find a way to extricate himself from his days-old marriage without losing the girl of his dreams.
TV-14
2:15 am
Movie (DVS)
Hall Pass
Rick and Fred are best friends who have a lot in common, including the fact that they have each been married for many years. But when the two men begin to show signs of restlessness at home, their wives take a bold approach to revitalizing their marriages: granting them a "hall pass," one week of freedom to do whatever they want...no questions asked. At first, it sounds like a dream come true for Rick and Fred. But it isn''t long before they discover that their expectations of the single life--and themselves--are completely, and hilariously, out of sync with reality.
TV-14
4:30 am
New Girl
Helmet
Jess admits to having a sex dream about Nick; Schmidt dogs a talent agent for pets, hoping to get Winston's cat Ferguson an audition.
TV-14
5:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Home, The
Frank and Marie return from a trip down to a retirement home in New Jersey and they tell the family that they plan on moving there. Everyone, besides Frank and Marie, is overjoyed after hearing the news. Marie and Frank sell their house to Robert and Amy for $26,000. On they day of their moving, however, Debra reveals some mixed feelings about their moving and doesn't feel right about it.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Finale
Ray fears getting his adenoids removed, but Debra convinces him to go through with the surgery.
TV-PG
 

Saturday, May 6

6:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Pilot
Sportswriter Ray Barone has parents who like to mind his business.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
I Love You
Ray cannot utter those three little words to his spouse.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Everybody Loves Raymond (SAP)
Frank the Writer
Frank submits a column idea to Ray's editor.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Movie (DVS)
Hall Pass
Rick and Fred are best friends who have a lot in common, including the fact that they have each been married for many years. But when the two men begin to show signs of restlessness at home, their wives take a bold approach to revitalizing their marriages: granting them a "hall pass," one week of freedom to do whatever they want...no questions asked. At first, it sounds like a dream come true for Rick and Fred. But it isn''t long before they discover that their expectations of the single life--and themselves--are completely, and hilariously, out of sync with reality.
TV-14
9:30 am
Movie
Heartbreak Kid, The
After years of bachelorhood and ample pressure from his father, Doc, and best friend Mac, Eddie Cantrow starts to wonder if he is being too picky about the women he meets. So when a chance encounter with an alluring blonde named Lila leads to a sweet romance, Eddie impulsively proposes. But right after the wedding, as the newlyweds get to know each other on the drive down the California coast, Eddie begins to realize he''s made a terrible mistake. Soon after reaching their exotic Mexican hideaway, he falls for the down-to-earth Miranda, who has no clue he''s on his honeymoon. Now Eddie has to find a way to extricate himself from his days-old marriage without losing the girl of his dreams.
TV-14
11:45 am
Movie (DVS)
Bounty Hunter, The
Milo Boyd, a down-on-his-luck bounty hunter, gets his dream job when he is assigned to track down his bail-jumping ex-wife, reporter Nicole Hurly. He thinks all that's ahead is an easy payday, but when Nicole gives him the slip so she can chase a lead on a murder cover-up, Milo realizes that nothing ever goes simply with him and Nicole. The exes continually one-up each other - until they find themselves on the run for their lives. They thought their promise to love, honor and obey was tough - staying alive is going to be a whole lot tougher.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Race Car Bed, The
Joey sees Janice kissing her husband, whom she is divorcing while she dates Chandler. Rachel's father clashes with Ross.
TV-PG
2:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Giant Poking Device, The
Chandler and Janice make a difficult decision about their relationship. Monica accidentally injures Ben and tries to hide it from Ross.
TV-PG
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, The
Rachel meets a handsome stranger, who might help her career. Chandler gets into trouble with Joey's sisters.
TV-14
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with All the Jealousy, The
Ross overreacts when Rachel starts working with a handsome guy. Monica becomes enamored with a sexy busboy.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Monica and Richard Are Just Friends, The
When Monica and Richard accidentally meet, they decide to become friends with dire consequences.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Ex-Partner, The
Phoebe's ex-singing partner wants to make Phoebe's signature song, Smelly Cat, a commercial success. Chandler dates a woman with a handicap.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break Part 1, The
Phoebe becomes involved with a foreign diplomat. Ross becomes involved with another woman after a fight with Rachel.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One the Morning After Part 2, The
Ross wakes up with Chloe but an oblivious Rachel wants to resume their relationship.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Soft Opening
Business is booming at Max & Caroline's new cupcake walk-up after word spreads about a shocking incident involving a rock star.
TV-14
6:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Kickstarter
Caroline tries to raise money for an expensive pair of new pants through an online fundraising site. Meanwhile, Max's new smartphone comes between her and Caroline.
TV-14
7:00 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Kitty Kitty Spank Spank
When Max becomes smitten with an old stray cat that's been hanging around the apartment, Caroline tries to convince her they need to find it a better home. But just when they think they've found one, the cat's fate takes a turn.
TV-14
7:30 pm
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Group Head
When Max and Caroline can't figure out how to use the new cappuccino maker they bought for their cupcake business, they take temporary side jobs as baristas at a coffee house to learn the ropes.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Relationship Diremption, The
Raj and Howard double-date and the latter is flushed with embarrassment after Raj's girlfriend reveals a secret she knows about Howard. Meanwhile, Sheldon is at loose ends when he begins to believe he's wasted his life trying to prove string theory.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Anything Can Happen Recurrence, The
Leonard reinstates Anything Can Happen Thursday, and it leads the regimented Sheldon to attempt something spontaneous, which creates friction among Penny, Amy and Bernadette. Meanwhile, Raj requests help from Howard in prepping for a date with Emily.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Proton Transmogrification, The
A grief-stricken Sheldon receives counseling from his childhood TV idol, Professor Proton, while Penny and Leonard reach a relationship milestone and turn it into a competition and Bernadette and Amy turn Star Wars Day into a special event for the guys.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Gorilla Dissolution, The
A trying day at the movie shoot leaves Penny with questions about her life choices, so she decides to act on it; and caring for a bedridden Mrs. Wolowitz proves a challenge for Howard and Bernadette.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Status Quo Combustion, The
Sheldon gets caught up in all the life-altering changes going on around him and considers a monumental move.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Locomotion Interruption, The
Amy and Leonard take a surprise road trip to Arizona, while Penny goes on a job interview at Bernadette's company, and Howard has problems wrapping his head around Stuart's relationship with Mrs. Wolowitz.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
March 15, 2017
Full Frontal is ready to talk about the Deep State; right after we destroy the spy microwave in our kitchen.
TV-MA
11:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
Turn Me On, Geils
A brilliant robotics specialist is found dead in his lab. No one knows who killed him, which makes Tribeca's job a lot harder. The only one who can offer any insight into the case is the victim's magnetic assistant, who takes a liking to Geils.
TV-14
12:00 am
Movie (DVS)
Tower Heist
Queens native Josh Kovaks has managed one of the most luxurious and well-secured residences in New York City for more than a decade. Under his watchful eye, nothing goes undetected. In the swankiest unit atop Josh''s building, Wall Street titan Arthur Shaw is under house arrest after being caught stealing two billion from his investors. The hardest hit among those he defrauded? The tower staffers whose pensions he was entrusted to manage. With only days before Arthur gets away with the perfect crime, Josh''s crew turns to petty crook Slide to plan the nearly impossible...to steal what they are sure is hidden in Arthur''s guarded condo. Though amateurs, these rookie thieves know the building better than anyone. Turns out they''ve been casing the place for years, they just didn''t know it.
TV-14
2:00 am
Movie
Duplex
In terms of living the American Dream, Alex and Nancy have it pretty good. They are a young, vibrant couple in New York City with bright futures ahead of them. But one thing is missing: a home of their own. When they find one, it comes with one feature they didn''t expect--an upstairs tenant, Mrs. Connelly, who lives in a rent-controlled apartment, and who isn''t quite as easy-going or frail as Alex and Nancy originally anticipated. As their blissful life begins to seriously fray around the edges, their dream home rapidly turns into a nightmare and they decide that they must get Mrs. Connelly out of their lives.
TV-14
4:00 am
Movie
Envy
Tim and Nick are best friends, neighbors and co-workers, whose equal footing is suddenly tripped up when one of Nick''s hare-brained get-rich-quick schemes actually succeeds: the Vaporizer, a spray that literally makes dog poop, or any other kind for that matter, evaporate into thin air--to where, exactly, is anyone''s guess. Tim, who had scoffed at Nick''s idea and passed on an opportunity to get in on the deal, can only watch as Nick''s fortune--and Tim''s own envy--grow to equally outrageous proportions. When the flames of jealousy are fanned by an oddball drifter who imposes himself into the situation, Tim''s life careens wildly out of control, taking Nick''s with it.
TV-PG
 

Sunday, May 7

6:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One Without the Ski Trip, The
Ross and Rachel remain apart while their friends feel forced to choose between them.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Hypnosis Tape, The
Phoebe is distraught when her brother wants to marry a woman twice his age. While working as a waitress, Monica gets a tip from an admirer worth a small fortune. A hypnosis tape makes Chandler act like a woman.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Tiny T-Shirt, The
Ross is upset when Rachel returns his personal belongings and dates Mark. Monica dates a millionaire.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Dollhouse, The
Joey thinks he's found his true love. Rachel's boss dates Chandler, creating big trouble for Rachel. Monica inherits a dollhouse.
TV-14
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with a Chick and a Duck, The
When Pete buys a restaurant, Monica must make a difficult decision. Ross makes a sacrifice for Rachel. Joey buys Chandler an unusual pet.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Screamer, The
Ross tries to convince Rachel that her date is psychotic. Joey's play gets terrible reviews.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Ross's Thing, The
Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks. Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Monica's boyfriend surprises her.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ultimate Fighting Champion, The
Monica's boyfriend cannot stop fighting. Chandler's boss is overly friendly.
TV-PG
10:00 am
Movie
Shanghai Noon
Acrobatic Chinese Imperial Guard Chon Wang comes to America to rescue beautiful, kidnapped Princess Pei Pei. Upon transporting her ransom, Chon finds himself on the very train that Roy O''Bannon, an outlaw of dubious competence, plans to rob. They reluctantly become partners when faced with bad-seed Marshall Van Cleef who''d rather neither one of them make it off the train alive.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Tower Heist
Queens native Josh Kovaks has managed one of the most luxurious and well-secured residences in New York City for more than a decade. Under his watchful eye, nothing goes undetected. In the swankiest unit atop Josh''s building, Wall Street titan Arthur Shaw is under house arrest after being caught stealing two billion from his investors. The hardest hit among those he defrauded? The tower staffers whose pensions he was entrusted to manage. With only days before Arthur gets away with the perfect crime, Josh''s crew turns to petty crook Slide to plan the nearly impossible...to steal what they are sure is hidden in Arthur''s guarded condo. Though amateurs, these rookie thieves know the building better than anyone. Turns out they''ve been casing the place for years, they just didn''t know it.
TV-14
2:00 pm
NCAA Beach Volleyball
2017 NCAA Beach Volleyball Championship
4:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Young adventurer Sean receives a coded distress signal from a mysterious island where no island should exist--a place of strange life forms, mountains of gold, deadly volcanoes, and more than one astonishing secret. Unable to stop him from going, Sean's new stepfather joins the quest. Together with a helicopter pilot and his beautiful, strong-willed daughter, they set out to find the island, rescue its lone inhabitant and escape before seismic shock waves force the island under the sea and bury its treasures forever.
TV-PG
6:00 pm
Movie (DVS)
Man of Steel
Clark Kent/Kal-El is a young twenty-something journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond anyone's imagination. Transported to Earth years ago from Krypton, an advanced alien planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question - Why am I here? Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha and Jonathan Kent, Clark soon discovers that having super abilities means making very difficult decisions. But when the world needs stability the most, it comes under attack. Will his abilities be used to maintain peace or ultimately used to divide and conquer? Clark must become the hero known as "Superman," not only to shine as the world's last beacon of hope but to protect the ones he loves.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Junior Professor Solution, The
Sheldon is ordered to teach a class, and the gang is surprised when Howard signs up to take it; and tensions between Penny and Bernadette afford Amy an opportunity to play one against the other.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
First Pitch Insufficiency, The
A nervous Wolowitz is thrown for a loop when NASA asks him to toss out the first pitch at a Los Angeles Angels baseball game. Meanwhile, Sheldon brags that he and Amy are a better couple than Leonard and Penny.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Hook-Up Reverberation, The
Raj's girlfriend, Emily, gives Penny the cold shoulder after he reveals some info about their past history; and the guys contemplate buying into Stuart's comic-book emporium.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Focus Attenuation, The
Amy and Bernadette accuse former party girl Penny of becoming a party pooper when she lets an email from work impact their girls' weekend in Las Vegas. Meanwhile, the guys brainstorm about inventing something cool.
TV-14
11:00 pm
Movie
Money Talks
On the weekend of his wedding, tabloid television journalist James Russell is in need of a scoop. He finds it when a famous jewel thief, Villard, escapes from prison while handcuffed to Franklin Hatchett, a ticket scalper. Once the burglar and Franklin are separated, the latter teams up with Russell to locate a Villard''s hidden cache of diamonds.
TV-14
1:00 am
Movie
Hit and Run
Charlie Bronson is a nice guy with a questionable past who risks everything when he busts out of the witness protection program to deliver his fiancÚ to Los Angeles to seize a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity. Their road trip grows complicated when they are chased by the feds and increasingly dangerous when Charlie's former pals, a band of gangsters, enter the fray.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Sky High
It all begins at a secret school in the clouds like none on earth: Sky High, the first and only high school for kids with super-human powers going through crime-fighting puberty. At Sky High, the student body throw flames with their footballs, study Villainy with their Chemistry and are divided into "Heroes" and "Sidekicks" instead of jocks and geeks. It''s an out-of-this-world yet completely recognizable place where cool gadgetry, rampant bravery and awe-inspiring magical skills mix it up with parental battles, peer pressure and dating trouble--with explosively fun results. This year''s class features some of the best, brightest and most powerfully gifted super-teens ever assembled. And then there''s Will Stronghold. When you''re the son of the world''s most legendary super heroes, The Commander and Jetstream, people expect you to live up to the family name The problem is that Will is starting with no superpowers of his own and, worst of all, instead of joining the ranks of the "Hero" class, he finds himself relegated to being a "Sidekick." Now he must somehow survive his freshman year while dealing with an overbearing gym coach, a bully with super speed and a dangerous rebel with a grudge (and the ability to shoot fire from his hands)--not to mention the usual angst, parental expectations and girl problems that accompany teenage life. But when an evil villain threatens his family, friends and the very sanctity of Sky High, Will must use his newfound superpowers to save the day and prove himself a "Hero" worthy of the family tradition.
TV-PG
5:00 am
New Girl
What About Fred?
Jess is ready to date again, but is disappointed in the dud spud she lands, and things get complicated when she takes a serious liking to his perfectly fun parents.
TV-14
5:30 am
Married With Children
Field of Screams
Al fights to keep an auto factory from replacing his high school football field.
TV-PG
 

Monday, May 8

6:00 am
Married With Children
D'Arcy Files, The
Jefferson reveals his past life as a spy.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Legend of Ironhead Haynes, The
When Al's sarcasm costs him his prized parking space, he turns to a manly hero for advice.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Nooner or Nothing
To win a contest, Peggy must persuade Al to come home from work to engage in some afternoon hanky-panky.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Knows Something
After their television breaks down and Al finds a way to win a large sum of money to buy a replacement, he auditions to be a contestant on a new sports trivia game show. However, after he is turned down because he lacks personality, he enlists Kelly to take his place.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One at the Beach, The
The friends stay at a beach house. Phoebe meets someone who knows details about her family. Rachel expresses her jealousy of Ross' uninhibited girlfriend.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Jellyfish, The
Ross loves dating Rachel again but hates what he did to accomplish the reconciliation. Phoebe gets to know her mother.
TV-PG
9:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cat, The
Phoebe thinks her adoptive mother's spirit inhabits a stray cat. Joey's attempt to sell his entertainment center proves hazardous.
TV-PG
9:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Cuffs, The
Monica tries to prove her mother wrong. Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss.
TV-14
10:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Ballroom Dancing, The
Joey makes an odd deal with the building superintendent to prevent him from evicting Rachel and Monica. Phoebe wants to date her sexy massage client.
TV-PG
10:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's New Girlfriend, The
Joey thinks Chandler hates Joey's new girlfriend--but the truth could be even more upsetting. Ross and Rachel try to make each other jealous.
TV-14
11:00 am
Friends (SAP)
One with the Dirty Girl, The
Ross' beautiful new girlfriend has a disgusting secret. Chandler becomes more familiar with Joey's girlfriend.
TV-PG
11:30 am
Friends (SAP)
One Where Chandler Crosses the Line, The
Chandler is guilt-ridden after kissing Joey's girlfriend. Ross' musical talents are not as amazing as he and Phoebe think.
TV-PG
12:00 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Cleveland Jr.'s Cherry Bomb
In an attempt to keep Roberta from having sex with Federline Jones, Cleveland takes the family to chuch...where Cleveland Jr. pledges to maintain his virginity.
TV-14
12:30 pm
Cleveland Show, The
Ladies' Night
Tired of attending social gatherings with neighbors, Donna sneaks off and, pretending she's still unmarried, spends time with her friends at a single mothers group; Rallo helps Junior run for student council president.
TV-14
1:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Enlightenment of Ragi-Baba, The
Hayley takes Roger with her to a meditation center and he quickly takes over, becoming one of the world's leading authorities on meditation. Stan and Steve become apprentices as they are taught the art of making sushi.
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Portrait of Francine's Genitals
Stan is embarrassed when a painting of Francine's genitals, done by a famous artist, is unveiled at the museum. Steve turns to helping people after masturbation is ruined by his mom's portrait.
TV-14
2:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Bahama Mama
Stan is upset at the idea of becoming a grandfather after Hayley and Jeff announce they're trying to have a baby. Steve and Klaus join a drug gang after Steve decides to take being an uncle extra seriously.
TV-14
2:30 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Roger's Baby
Hayley experiences what pregnancy would be like after Roger agrees to give birth to Jeff so he can be human again. Snot's feelings are hurt when Steve secretly signs him up for a makeover.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Deepening, The
In an homage to Jaws, Bob's landlord and pier proprietor Mr. Fischoeder buys a mechanical shark as a pier attraction, but when it turns wild and starts terrorizing the town, it's up to Bob and the family to stop it.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks
After Tina accidentally wrecks the car, and gets the whole family involved with a slimy insurance agent, she worries that she's a "jinx."
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene, The
After Gene gets suckered into dating Courtney, his first girlfriend ever, the entire family wants him to break up with her when they decide she's totally annoying. But when Gene finally musters up the courage to end things, he falters after discovering that Courtney's father writes jingles and could possibly launch his music career.
TV-PG
4:30 pm
Bob's Burgers
Bob Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins
Bob inherits a storage unit, and the whole family imagines it's filled with treasures. Instead, they find a man named Chet living inside. Linda, feeling the holiday spirit, persuades Bob to invite Chet to stay at the restaurant. It's discovered that this stranger, who claims he was once a mannequin, has a gift for intricate and living window displays. With the restaurant decked out in holiday cheer, the Christmas spirit is in the air.
TV-14
5:00 pm
Bob's Burgers
Mother Daughter Laser Razor
Linda frets that Louise doesn't like her and, to Louise's chagrin, forces her to attend a Mother-Daughter seminar to beef up their relationship. Meanwhile, with Linda gone, Tina asks Bob to indulge in his feminine side and teach her to shave her legs.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Life of Brian
While visiting 17th century Jamestown in his time machine, Stewie gives guns to the Native Americans in an effort to be amiable. Back in the present, Stewie and Brian are surprised to discover that Native Americans are now in control of the entire country.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
In Harmony's Way
Peter and Quagmire both scream when a bee flies by and realize they harmonize well together. They start writing and singing songs in their spare time. Mort overhears them one day and is amazed by their talent. He offers to manage them since he used to have his own record label in the 70┐s.
TV-14
6:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Christmas Guy
The Griffins visit the Quahog Mall for the Christmas Carnival only to find that it has been canceled. Upset, Stewie begins to act out.
TV-14
7:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter Problems
Lately Peter hasn't been able to perform very well in the bedroom. So he asks Quagmire and Joe to step in and help him get his mojo back.
TV-14
7:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Grimm Job
Stewie is having trouble falling asleep, so Peter decides to read him three fairytales from the Brothers Grimm. As he reads, familiar Quahogians become characters in the stories.
TV-14
8:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Brian's a Bad Father
Brian receives a call from his son, Dylan Flannigan, who wants to reconnect with him. At first, Brian is hesitant to meet up, but changes his tune when he discovers Dylan is the star of a new television show.
TV-14
8:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Mom's the Word
After some questionable food choices, Peter accidentally soils himself at work. Ashamed, he heads home and finds all of his family and friends have gathered there. He thinks they're going to make fun of him but they're actually there to deliver some sad news. His mother, Thelma, has passed away.
TV-14
9:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
3 Acts of God
It┐s football season and the Patriots have just lost their tenth game in a row. A disgruntled Peter joins Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland at The Clam to drink and complain about their home team. Peter suddenly has an epiphany while watching the post-game show: the teams that defeat the Patriots consistently thank God for carrying them to victory.
TV-14
9:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Fresh Heir
Peter breaks his promise to take Chris on a fishing trip, leaving Chris feeling rejected. Lois suggests he spend more time with Carter, who has a broken leg and needs someone to take care of him.
TV-14
10:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Enlightenment of Ragi-Baba, The
Hayley takes Roger with her to a meditation center and he quickly takes over, becoming one of the world's leading authorities on meditation. Stan and Steve become apprentices as they are taught the art of making sushi.
TV-14
10:30 pm
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
This Sounds Unbelievable, but CSI: Miami Did It
Natalie Portman's in this one, but also a man falls from the sky and the team investigates a lead in space.
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71033
TV-14
12:00 am
Angie Tribeca (DVS)
This Sounds Unbelievable, but CSI: Miami Did It
Natalie Portman's in this one, but also a man falls from the sky and the team investigates a lead in space.
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71033
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Label Maker, The
Jerry and Elaine are suspicious of a friend's gifts; guest Jessica Tuck.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Cronuts
When Max and Caroline start losing business to the new cronut craze (half-croissant, half-donut), they come up with their own trend: cake fries.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Piece of Sheet
Caroline buys Max a new bedding set and gives away the old sheets to charity without realizing they had sentimental value to her.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Last Boy Scout, The
In this entertaining early '90s classic, a former Secret Service agent teams up with a former pro-football star to solve the mysterious murder of his girlfriend. This is a must-see for any action-film aficionados. Starring Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Halle Berry, Taylor Negron and Chelsea Field.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Assault and Batteries
Household chores threaten Al's chance to see a favorite old movie.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Ride Scare
Al becomes an environmental hero and celebrity.
TV-PG
 

Tuesday, May 9

6:00 am
Married With Children
Al Goes Deep
A football star's romance with Kelly jeopardizes Jefferson's lifesaving wager on a big game.
TV-PG
6:30 am
Married With Children
Shoeway to Heaven
Al and Jefferson become vintage shoe entrepreneurs.
TV-PG
7:00 am
Married With Children
Driving Mr. Boondy
Al must brave the department of motor vehicles to renew his driver's license, but discovers that his fate lies in Bud's hands.
TV-PG
7:30 am
Married With Children
Kelly Breaks Out
An untimely pimple threatens Kelly's acting career.
TV-PG
8:00 am
Married With Children
Naughty but Niece
Bud is distracted by Marcy's sexy niece.
TV-PG
8:30 am
Married With Children
Business Sucks Part 1
Al refuses to allow breast feeding in the shoe store.
TV-PG
9:00 am
King of Queens, The
Party Favor
Carrie convinces Doug to be the best man for his cousin, and helps him organize the bachelor party.
TV-PG
9:30 am
King of Queens, The
Fair Game
Doug catches Carrie cheating while playing board games with friends.
TV-PG
10:00 am
King of Queens, The
Shmenkmans, The
Doug and Carrie search for new friends, who do not have children.
TV-PG
10:30 am
King of Queens, The
Meet By-Product
St. Valentine's Day finds Doug and Carrie reminiscing about the first time they met.
TV-14
11:00 am
Cleveland Show, The
Brown Thanksgiving, A
While celebrating Thanksgiving with his parents and family, Cleveland discovers that Donna's Auntie Momma is transgendered; Roberta and Federline end up at a homeless mission after Federline's car is stolen.
TV-14
11:30 am
Cleveland Show, The
From Bed to Worse
After tiring of Cleveland's presence at the house, Rallo decides to drive a wedge between Cleveland and Donna by sleeping in their bed.
TV-14
12:00 pm
American Dad (DVS)
Ninety North, Zero West
The Smith family must rescue Steve after he is kidnapped and taken to the North Pole. There, Santa Claus is using children to mine for precious stones that he needs to perform an ancient ritual.
TV-14
12:30 pm
American Dad
Pilot
Steve runs for school president to pick up girls (Stan rigs the election, CIA-style) and Hayley pays Roger in candy to write her school papers.
TV-PG
1:00 pm
American Dad
Threat Levels
After a near-death scare involving a CIA bio-toxin, Francine decides to start a job as a realtor...making more money than Stan. Also, bumfighting!
TV-14
1:30 pm
American Dad
Stan Knows Best
When Stan's military discipline becomes too strict for the liberal Hayley, she runs off with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Steve claims Roger as his burn-scarred sister in a valiant effort to get some boob.
TV-14
2:00 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Three Kings
Peter hosts three adaptations of Stephen King tales: "Stand By Me," "Misery" and "The Shawshank Redemption."
TV-14
2:30 pm
Family Guy (DVS)
Peter's Progress
Peter has a psychic palm reading and discovers he led a past life as Griffin Peterson, a dignified gentleman who followed the beautiful Lady Redbush from 17th century England, where the fierce King Stewart III reigned supreme, to the newly founded American colony of Quahog to win her heart.
TV-14
3:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where Eddie Won't Go, The
Chandler wants his annoying new roommate to move out. Joey's exorbitant bills come due. The women learn from a book about personal empowerment.
TV-PG
3:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One Where They're Going to Party!, The
The guys try to be spontaneous and wild. After Monica gives a bad restaurant review, she receives a new career opportunity. Rachel's boss offers her a promotion.
TV-PG
4:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Phoebe's Uterus, The
Phoebe's half-brother makes an astounding announcement and a thought-provoking request. Joey finds himself in a class struggle.
TV-14
4:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with the Embryos, The
Phoebe finds out whether she is pregnant or not. A simple challenge escalates into a full-blown contest between the guys and the women.
TV-PG
5:00 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Rachel's Crush, The
Rachel schemes to get a handsome client to ask her on a date. Chandler's jealousy causes problems with his girlfriend.
TV-PG
5:30 pm
Friends (SAP)
One with Joey's Dirty Day, The
Charlton Heston finds Joey in a compromising position during a movie shoot. Rachel regrets asking Ross for a favor.
TV-14
6:00 pm
Seinfeld
Race, The
An ex-classmate questions Jerry's status as the fastest runner in high school; guest Vicki Lewis.
TV-PG
6:30 pm
Seinfeld
Scofflaw, The
A friend (Jon Lovitz) fakes illness to get Jerry's sympathy; Kramer obstructs justice.
TV-PG
7:00 pm
Seinfeld
Kiss Hello, The
Jerry stops greeting friends with a kiss; Uncle Leo puts Nana in a nursing home; guest Wendie Malick, Carol Leifer.
TV-PG
7:30 pm
Seinfeld
Beard, The
Elaine tries to change a gay man; George and his date have similar problems.
TV-PG
8:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Expedition Approximation, The
Sheldon and Raj undertake an underground research expedition that turns into a test of how long before they get under each other's skin. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny argue about money.
TV-PG
8:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Misinterpretation Agitation
Amy and Bernadette organize a prom to be held atop the guys' apartment complex but Sheldon is leery of all the prom pomp, circumstance and romancing that goes with it.
TV-PG
9:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Prom Equivalency, The
Penny's flirtatious sales pitch leaves a doctor-client smitten and the guys must pitch in to help her deal with him, while, Bernadette and Amy debate whether female scientists ought to play the sexuality card.
TV-PG
9:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Septum Deviation, The
Leonard needs surgery for a deviated septum, and Sheldon gets his nose out of joint because he feels an operation is too dangerous and that his roommate may not make it out alive.
TV-PG
10:00 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Champagne Reflection, The
It's a banner day for Sheldon as he bids a sad farewell to his Fun With Flags podcast. Meanwhile, Leonard, Howard and Raj probe a late professor's research in search of some hidden significance.
TV-PG
10:30 pm
Big Bang Theory, The (DVS)
Clean Room Infiltration, The
On Christmas Eve, Amy plans a traditional Victorian dinner, while Raj, Leonard and Howard scramble to remove a pigeon that flew into the clean room at the university.
TV-PG
11:00 pm
Conan (CC)
Episode 71034
TV-14
12:00 am
Seinfeld
Doorman, The
A doorman (Larry Miller) tries to cause trouble for Jerry; Kramer develops a male undergarment.
TV-PG
12:30 am
Conan (CC)
Episode 71034
TV-14
1:30 am
Seinfeld
Jimmy, The
Jerry suspects his dentist and hygienist are living out their fantasies at his expense.
TV-PG
2:00 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the Girlfriend Experience
Han asks Max and Caroline to convince a stripper to pretend to be his girlfriend when his mother visits from Korea.
TV-14
2:30 am
2 Broke Girls (DVS)
And the "It" Hole
Caroline's date is a no-show after promising to take her to one of the city's hippest new restaurants, so she and Max decide to take advantage of the hard-to-get reservation.
TV-14
3:00 am
Movie
Exit Wounds
Maverick Detroit police detective Orin Boyd's take-no- prisoners approach to domestic terrorism gets him booted downtown to the city's toughest precinct. Here he runs up against mysterious crimelord Latrell Walker, whose dicey connections and seemingly unlimited cash make him everyone's favorite target. Together the two men take on a conspiracy that reaches all the way through the ranks to the heart of the precinct.
TV-14
5:00 am
Married With Children
Business Still Sucks Part 2
Al's battle against breast feeding lands him in trouble with the store's owner.
TV-PG
5:30 am
Married With Children
Dial B for Virgin
Bud is tapped to run a phone hot line for virgins.
TV-PG