There's nothing quite like a gentile lady to put you at ease. Take a moment to enjoy these warm sentiments from Earl's ex-wife Joy. Let the healing begin.

Tell us your favorite Joy quote. Go to the My Name is Earl message boards.

"When I go all spread-eagle Whitesnake-style on the hood it will! Hold on. I got an eye booger the size of a walnut."
- Joy in BB

"The only thing that would help your worthless, never-achieve-anything-in-your-waste-of-a-breath life is if somebody drowned you in the river."
- Joy to Randy in Mailbox

"Not everybody is trying to change the world, Earl. Some of us are just trying to get our fair taste of a waterbed business when our parents kick the bucket."
- Joy in White Lie Christmas

"Yeah but I like this one because it's lined, so I don't have to wear panties. It's perfect."
- Joy, while picking out her wedding dress in Joy's Wedding

"Do I look stupid enough to steal a truck with a man in the back?"
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"You know they say mosquitoes in Africa kill people. Can you imagine the size them things got to be?"
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"I can't even use the toilet in my cell because my roommate is making wine."
- Joy in Jump for Joy

"Yeah, and I'll be butt naked behind the trailer waiting for my hot tub."
- Joy in Broke Joy's Fancy Figurine

"You know what Iím gonna loot first? Iím gonna loot me a Humvee. Then Iím gonna take all the other stuff I loot, and put it in my Humvee. And if somebody tries to stop me, Iím gonna drive over them in my Humvee. And I also want a new pair of sandals."
- Joy in Y2K

"Hey! What the hell are you doing, towing a car with the American flag on it? Are you part Taliban?"
- Joy in Stole a Badge

"You sound like a gay Kermit the Frog."
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"After I finish art school, I might even go to Paris where all the good artists go so I can draw those quiet guys in the white faces with the rugby shirts who play charades."
- Joy in Number One

"Okay, Darnell, Youíre painting a turtle right now and Iím not taking legal advice from you or any other turtle painter."
- Joy in BB

"Oh, I just thought of something I punched, a Santa Claus begging for money."
- Joy in Born a Gamblin' Man

"Ok, do it again and I'm gonna bump those boobie implants of yours, make you fly around this bar like a loose balloon."
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"I can't loose my teeth, Earl. I'm going to be the first woman in my family to get to thirty with all my originals."
- Joy in Bounty Hunter

"Guys, I'm a flea's fart away from life in prison here. Someone needs to figure out what the hell we're gonna do!"
- Joy in Jump for Joy

"Every time I walk out of my front door I win a beauty contest."
- Joy in Broke Joy's Fancy Figurine

"I like you. If I could ever get used to staring at that thing on your face, we could hang out."
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"Is his sister getting married? Is she? Cause if she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid I swear to God, I will march down to that Club Chubby and wrap her neck around that pole!"
- Joy in Teacher Earl

"It's not weird. It's metrosexual. Pretty soon metrosexuality's going to hit Camden County and when all the men start turning into half fruits, Joy's Nails is going to be ready."
- Joy in Boogeyman

"I know what itís like to be prejudiced against, after all my husbandís black."
- Joy in Sticks & Stones

"Boys, get Mama's plastic stripper shoes out of your Lego box."
- Joy in Something to Live For

"What can I walk out with today that can kill somebody?"
- Joy in Quit Smoking

"There is nothing in the Bible that says people have a right to learn stuff. I have read it."
- Joy in Teacher Earl

"You know how traditional my parents are! If they found out I got divorced and got married to a black man, they'd crap in a sock!"
- Joy in White Lie Christmas

"They are monsters Darnell! Those kids are monsters! They used my going-out lipstick to draw boobs on the car headlights again!"
- Joy in Barn Burner

"Sorry, I don't speak maid."
- Joy to Catalina after her tirade in Spanish. in Barn Burner

"British people don't steal trucks! They drink tea and live in castles!"
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"I'll bend over, you tell me if you can see my thong."
- Joy to Darnell in Sticks & Stones

"Hey ass wipe. I don't know what the hell is on your touched by an angel list that's making you teach people English, but you need to stop."
- Joy in Teacher Earl

"I need a Dummies' guide for the Dummies' guide. Half this stuff looks like it's written in Latin. I can't even understand the damn cartoons!"
- Joy in Sticks & Stones

"Karma this, you dummy!"
- Joy to Earl in Randy's Touchdown

"Earl, I don't care if she's Vietnamese, Chinese, or Chuck E. Cheese. She can't be learnin' English!"
- Joy in Teacher Earl

"Darnell, you better be looking at my boobs when I'm talking about them."
- Joy in Something to Live For

"Well, look at you all dressed up in that cute uniform. They even had your size, extra dorky."
- Joy to Earl in O'Karma, Where art Thou?

"If this is another damn thesaurus, I'm gonna track down those dumb, stupid... dumb people... and teach them how to buy a proper gift."
- Joy in Y2K

"I'm jealous? Sweetheart, I'm about ten times hotter than you. You're a man compared to me."
- Joy to Catalina in Jump for Joy

"That is NOT a C-Section scar! That's from when my prom date stabbed me! I had both my babies naturally!"
- Joy in Jump for Joy

"Do these look saggy to you? I could float half your village across the mighty river with these puppies!"
- Joy in Jump for Joy

"My eyeballs are big? Yeah well, all the better to see your fat ass waddle away with!"
- Joy to Catalina in Jump for Joy

"Hey, Lance Armstrong! Don't you know riding bicycles gives you nut cancer?"
- Joy in Robbed a Stoner Blind

"It was a date, but not all dates are good ones, honey. Sometimes it ends up with your sweetie doin' a black man in the bathroom."
- Joy in Something to Live For

"How'm I gonna get that picture back from Catalina? I mean, I can't blackmail her. Everything she should be embarrassed about, people already know: she's a stripper, she's a maid, she's a foreigner. I'm just gonna have to kill her."
- Joy in Frank's Girl

"Oooh! Y'all, they got real cheese!"
- Joy in Boogeyman

"Well then, you should have married a whore who doesn't mind being disrespected by a man instead of a real lady like ME!"
- Joy in Two Balls, Two Strikes

"Cosmetics? There's not enough cosmetics in the world to cover your dumb looking face. But, seriously, if they send you free testers, you better hook me up."
- Joy to Randy in Monkey's in Space

"If you're looking for a reasonably priced manicure that's gentle enough for a woman but man enough for a half-fruit, call Joy's Nails. We're in the book."
- Joy advertising her nail salon in Boogeyman

"I'm not jealous. You're the one that should be jealous; I can't even walk down the street without guys offering to do me."
- Joy in Something to Live For

"That's just your conscience, stupid. Ignore it. That's how I got through cheating on you all those years. Please, you know how many times I saw you standing on the hood of my car while I was humping Darnell."
- Joy to Earl in Kept a Guy Locked in a Truck

"You gotta meet her. She's funnier than that little insurance lizard that talks. Oh my God! I would marry that thing."
- Joy in Kept a Locked in a Truch

"Because they wouldn't give me my money back. It was a crime of principal, like when Rosa Parks stole that bus."
- Joy in Very Bad Things

"I'm just blown off steam. If you tell the cops I said that, I swear to God I'll tie you up behind my car and do doughnuts in the mall parking lot.Ē
- Joy to Randy in Guess Who's Coming out of Joy

"I swear to God, if that thing don't stop cryin, I'm a put him in a gunny sack and smack him up the side of a barn."
- Joy in Guess Who's Coming Out of Joy

"I am growing a human being in my body cell-by-cell. I need my rest, Darnell. My stomach could be building his brain today, you don't know."
- Joy in Guess Who's Coming out of Joy

"You know what; maybe French people ain't so bad. I mean I love your nail tips and I've been doing your kind of kissing since I was twelve."
- Joy in Foreign Exchange Student

"I was just inside reading my bible. Everything I do is guiding by this holy book. So if anybody says that I've done something wrong, well then they're saying the bible is wrong."
- Joy in Harassed a Reporter

"You're not just dumb; you're broken, like a daddy longlegs after the kids pull his legs off. It's just a little vibratin' ball that can't do nothing for itself. That's you."
- Joy to Randy in My Name is Inmate 28301-016 Part 1

"I had to go bail out this dummy and miss my Brazilian wax. If I go into labor now I'm gonna be all stubbly on my home video."
- Joy in My Name is Inmate 28301-016 Part 2

"Boys, clean up this mess! It looks like a toy store took a dump in here."
- Joy to her children in Creative Writing

"I made a prom in a prison happen. I bet this is what it feels like to be Oprah."
- Joy in Burn Victim

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