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Ray's family may drive him crazy, but we think they're hilarious. Of course, if our families spouted lines like the ones below, we'd probably go nuts, too. What's your favorite quote from the show? Let us know on our Raymond message boards!


quotes from Everybody Loves Raymond:                                           Page 1 of 10       next >   last >>

"Look, you have to do what Mommy says."
"Why?"
"'Cause I do."
- Ray and Ally in Father Knows Least

"No, I didn't rupture my booty ... one time I did sprain my groove thing."
- Debra in High School

"Frankly, my dear .. I don't give a dang."
"Idiots ..."
- Ray and Debra in Civil War

"Just because you were a good girl in the fifties doesn't mean --"
"Good girl? HAH!"
- Debra and Frank, to Marie in Good Girls

"How about when you used to go to school and mom would follow you there!"
"What? That was mom?! (Robert nods) Oh my god! The crazy tree lady! I used to have nightmares about her!"
- Robert and Ray in Traffic School

"Some people would consider a canoe ride romantic."
"Guess you didn't see 'Deliverance'."
- Marie and Frank in Getting Even

"Whatever my wife touches falls off, so you can imagine how worried I am."
- Ray in Getting Even

"Sorry, Frankenstein's house of tooth decay is closed."
- Frank in Halloween Candy

"Raymond, Debra is teaching me so much about cooking."
"You're learning cooking from Debra? Okay, [points down] so heaven is here, [points up] hell is here, it's raining monkeys, and wood is now a drink."
- Marie and Ray in No Fat

"Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own you know! I can contribute! I'm not just some... trophy wife!"
"You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?"
- Marie and Frank in The Toaster

"Zero serving zero ... Ray can kiss my rear-o!"
- Frank in Ping Pong

"That is so whack!"
"Okay see right there... we're Italian, whack means something else to us."
- Robert and Ray in Robert's Date

"Nice? I tried it once. Didn't care for it."
"Did the same thing happen with smart?"
- Frank and Marie in Be Nice

"You want books? They're all yours."
"Nothing Dad likes better than getting rid of knowledge."
- Frank and Robert in Be Nice

"Who keeps pornography for 29 years?"
"Anyone married to you."
- Marie and Frank in Robert Moves Back

"Can Hitler have a juice-box?"
- Frank, after Ally drew a moustache on Geoffrey in I Wish I Were Gus

"I don't think Michael loves me anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"He is not like Geoffry, he seems standoffish."
"You do know Michael is a baby, right?"
"Just a feeling. Cops instinct. He wants nothing to do with me."
- Robert, Debra and Ray in Frank the Writer

"Ma told me what you did...nice."
- Robert in The Ball

"And Ally's favorite video, The Little Mermaid."
"No, Beauty and the Beast!"
"Right. He he. It's the same thing."
- Ray and Ally in Debra's Sick

"I thought I'd do a little Peek-a-boo with him."
"I remember dad sayin Peek-a-boo."
"Yea, me too, me too... (to Frank) Don't do that."
- Frank, Ray and Robert in The Game

"You don't know how it feels to be separated from something you treasure so much!"
"Oh, I'm sure Baron feels the same way."
- A dog owner and Ray (after Marie has the dog fixed) in The Dog

"Ray, see what's going on."
"I think I just saw the inside of my retina."
- Debra and Ray in Neighbors

"Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday."
- Ray, impersonating Debra in Fascinatin' Debra

"Hello, I'm Dr. Nora."
"Oh, that voice! Are you Dr. Nora?"
- Dr. Nora and Marie in Fascinatin' Debra

"I can't tell you what a huge fan I am of yours! You taught me to express myself!"
"Thanks a bunch, lady."
- Marie and Frank in Fascinatin' Debra

"I told you to say 'little star!'"
- Debra in Ray's on TV

"I could of ate a box of Alpha-Bits and craped a better interview."
- Frank in Ray's on TV

"I think it was a fight...a girlie fighy."
"I'm glad we didn't order that on Pay-Per-View!"
- Ray and Frank in The Letter

"I just?I throw them out."
"You throw out coupons? That?s money!"
- Ray and Frank in The Letter

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